Obsession

Chapter 18

"I... Just..." Clinton sighed. We were sitting on Jesse's bed. My hands were in his. He was playing with my fingers, watching our hands rather than looking me in the eye.

"Clinton... You know I-" I began but he cut me off.

"Gimme a sec. This is hard to explain..." He said quietly.

I nodded and waited.

About 10 minutes went by before he finally spoke. "The reason why I don't take my shirt off is because I'm embarrassed..."

"About what?"

"About my body..."

"Clinton, you're perfect the way you are."

"No you don't understand... Do you remember when we broke up... It all started then..."

*Flashback*

'I'm skyping you' the message from Clinton said.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and accepted the call on the computer.

"Robyn, what's wrong? I thought we were going to try this? If I could I would be with you physically, you know that I would, right?" He said worriedly.

"Clinton, this is so hard. What if we never see each other again?"

"We can make it work. I swear! I-"

"Clinton... Think about the costs of the plane tickets... That's so much money."

"I'll move out there. I'll run away to be with you... Forever."

"Clinton, you can't leave your family..."

"They're busy with their own stuff. They wouldn't mind as long as I called."

"I'm not going to let you do that. Clinton... We have to end this."

Tears formed in his eyes. "Please don't do this. I love you. And you love me."

"If you love something... Let it go..." I said quietly.

"Everyone knows that quote is shit, Robyn."

"But I'm serious Clinton. My grades are so low. I spend most of my time talking to you. I don't have as many friends..."

"You don't need all that if you have me. Robyn, you're my everything! When are you going to accept that I'm your everything too?"

"I have, Clinton. That's why I'm losing it here. I love you. So much. But I need to prepare for my future. When I graduate high school, we can see what then but right now I need to focus on maintaining a future."

"I am your future. I'm going to be in it. I-"

At this point we were both crying and sniffling.

"Robyn... Dinner!" My mom had called from down stairs.

I looked to Clinton's face on the screen. He was so heart broken I couldn't stand it.

"I love you, Clinton. You will always be my first love."

"Don't do this Robyn. Stay with me." He pleaded.

"I love you." I said quietly and pressed the end call button. I cried for a while, ignoring him trying to call me back, until my mom came upstairs.

"Honey what's wrong?" She asked, sitting on the edge of my bed and stroking my hair.

"I ended it."

"Honey, it's OK. He will understand. Maybe you can still stay in contact with him and meet up when you both can support yourselves and each other."

"I hurt him bad mom. He doesn't want me... He will meet someone better..."

*End flashback*

"I remember..." I said quietly.

He twiddled his thumbs, still looking down. "I... I never got over you. I started to become really depressed. I shut everyone out. I locked myself in my room, skipped school, and practically wrote an album about you. I never stopped loving you. But I did think you stopped loving me. The further we drifted, the worse my condition got. I starved myself a couple times because I couldn't eat with this much anxiety. This past year it was looking bad for me Robyn. If you wouldn't have shown up, I would've died."

I gulped, knowing where he was going with this.

"I tried committing suicide several times. First couple, I chickened out and the last one Jesse caught me." He said quietly. He gulped and finally looked me in the eyes. I had realized how hard he was gripping my hand. This was really hard for him to talk about. "I haven't tried since because I have you back in my life now. My life is worth something with you in it. I found you at my darkest hour."

Tears fell down my cheeks for him. My poor Clinton felt so alone that he decided to try to commit suicide.

He gently wiped the tears from my face and pulled me into a kiss. Somehow the gentle and tenderness turned into rough passion. My hands trembled at the hem of his shirt.

"I'm ready." Clinton said, cupping my face. Slowly and gently, I lifted his shirt and I put my hand to my mouth to cover my shock. His pants were low enough that I could tell what the scar was. He had engraved in himself 'C+R' in a heart starting from his lower abs going below his pants.

"Robyn, I know it's ugly but-"

"I sorry. I did this to you. I'm so sorry I-" I cried frantically, tears falling rapidly.

"No this was all me." He said quietly. "It's not your fault."

Slowly and cautiously, I leaned over and kissed his scar.

"You're not ugly Clinton. This is just something you went through. I really wish I had come a year sooner so you wouldn't have to go through this pain."

"It's not your fault Robyn."

"But it is. If I would've been there then-"

He shut me up by kissing my lips passionately. I wrapped my arms around his neck, forgetting what I was saying and I kissed him back.

"I love you Clinton. And I will do anything and everything to make it up to you."

"Anything?"

"Yes."

"Love me."

I kissed his lips gently. "That shouldn't be too hard." I grinned.

"Punny." He laughed.

[I told you I wouldn't go into detail about the sex thing. This isn't that kind of book. But anyways... Poor Clinton!!! He just wanted to see her. She's his everything, how sweet. :) I hope you enjoyed. Comment and vote :)]