Pressing Play | Watty's 2015

Part 4 (Luna)

I hear breathing on the other side of the sinks. It wasn't exactly a panicky breath, but you could tell that it started to get more intense as Victor and I kept talking. "Please I want to be with you. But as a friend and a friend only," I say trying to stay strong and not look weak. His hand slides up my waist and his touch does nothing. No sparks. Victor's lips soon connect with mine as he tries to deepen the kiss but I hear the door shut as someone rushes out. I push him off since his hands started searching for something else. "Change your mind yet? I want you," Victor's more aggressive tone rings through my ears. "I don't want you," I push away and run out of the bathroom. I know who it was that ran out. I realized it was Mo. She heard our conversation, then she heard it go without sound. I try to look for her in the food court, but I couldn't notice her at all. Then, out of the corner of my eye I see her long red hair.

I kind of froze in the middle of me walking. Her lips connected with someone I've never seen before. Her hands gripped his shirt with much force. I clenched my fist out of pure hurt. Is this what she felt when Victor and I kissed? Anger. Rage.

I walk off towards this corner where sometimes I hid from my friends. I push my back against the wall and slide down it. My knees clenched to my chest as tears rushed down my face. I knew it was too good to be true. How could someone so beautiful like her want me? "I'm such an idiot," I hit my leg really hard hoping to leave a bruise. "Why did my emotions get the better of me," I bite my lip. I wipe away my tears and stand up from the ground. I quickly run towards the exit of that mall and to my mother's car.

"Are you okay sweetheart," she asks. "I'm perfectly fine mother," I respond with a fake smile.

When we arrive to my parent's home, I get out to unlock the door. I open the door to find my mom's boyfriend drunk on the floor, as usual. I ignore him and make it to my room. My phone buzzes.

From: Mo
Hey!

To: Mo
hey

From: Mo
Is everything alright?

To: Mo
Im fine, you?

From: Mo
I kissed a boy at the mall today. His name is Alan, he's my next door neighbor.

To: Mo
I know. I saw it.

From: Mo
Is that why you ran to the corner?

To: Mo
You saw me? Why didn't you stop me?

From: Mo
Because me kissing Alan wasn't a passionate one. I did it out of anger.

To: Mo
Anger from what?

From: Mo
Hearing you kiss Victor hurt me.

To: Mo
You have to understand that was forced.

From: Mo
I guess. I don't know. But, for now, I'd like to take a break from you.

I couldn't respond so I threw my phone to the other side of my room. If only I hadn't listened to Victor, I'd still be talking to Mo. Maybe my friend, Sophia, was right about Mo. She's just a cheerleader and a popular person like the rest of her friends. Conceited. Bitchy. Rude. What am I saying? My demons want me to think that so I can stay alone. I need to trust more, but for now I leave her alone.

Junior year starts in two weeks. Only two more years of high school and I can finally leave my house. No more drunk person on the ground. No more getting yelled at by my mother. No more worrying about her taking me back to a rehab facility.

"Hey Luna, you want to go to the pep rally with Mariana and I," Sophia asks me over the phone. Another pep rally. Our school decides to have a pep rally each week during the last three weeks of summer. "Sure why not," I respond after three minutes of deciding. We hang up and I wash my hair in the small shower. The hot water fell on my recent scars with a burning sensation. My long black hair stuck to my imperfect body. After I shampooed my hair, I step out and dry myself. I look in the mirror and see someone I don't like. My reflection, the fat body, the many scars planted on my thighs and wrists, of course hidden from the world. I use my hair dryer to dry my hair and I go back to my bedroom. I find my pale blue jeans and a Pierce The Veil shirt. I put them on and my sneakers.

I hear Sophia's car horn beep. I run downstairs out the door and enter her purple car. I think it was a Mustang. I sit in the back seat looking out the window while it rained. It was like I was in one of those sad music videos. Even though my life was a sad music video. The car and music stops as we enter a parking space. "Let's go girls," Sophia, her perky self, excitingly says. We walk in together into the gym where the cheerleaders were warming up. I see Mo stretching when two girls come up to her. Tiffany and Chelsea. "You bitch, you kissed my boyfriend," Tiffany's obnoxious voice yells. "Excuse me, you guys were broken up so he was fair game. I didn't do it on purpose," Mo stands up with arms crossed. "It doesn't matter you don't do that to a friend," Chelsea smarts off. "Whatever," Mo rolls her eyes. Tiffany slaps her in the face and Mo's hand reaches up to her cheek out of pain. Poor girl. "Snap out of it," I told myself.

"Welcome your cheerleaders," the principal announces them. They did their routine and stunts and before I knew it, the pep rally was over. "I'll be right back," I tell my friends. I walk and see Henry with Mo. His hands touching her. "Get the hell off me Henry," she tries to push him off but he tightens his grip on her. I'm conflicted whether or not I want to intervene. "But babe remember I said I'd take it away from you," he was planning to rape her. "Stop Henry leave her alone," I yell at him coming really close to them. "What are you going to do," he looks confused. "Don't make me kick you," I give him my stink eye. I kick him in the leg making him run away. "I'm glad that's over with," I smile. "I didn't need you to do that," she somewhat yells. "Why are you yelling at me? I'm the only one here," I say to her hoping she'd calm down. "I didn't ask you to be. You didn't have to follow me," she walks off with her perfect red hair bouncing and me feeling heartbroken. I didn't mean to make her angry. I walk to my friends and they take me home.

I walk to my room. I grab my razor blade. The bigger one. I walk to my bathroom and bring the blade up to cut my left thigh. Not too low down the leg. The thrilling sensation that goes over my thighs bring red droplets of blood in a line. I repeat this about 12 more times before I hear my phone beep.

From: Mo
Look, I'm sorry about earlier. I've been real bitchy to you lately. I've just had a lot on my mind and I had been through a lot today.

To: Mo
I accept your apology. I hope we can still be friends.

From: Mo
What page are you on?

I grab my Thirteen Reasons Why copy of the nightstand and open it.

To:Mo
Page 62.