Midnight Rendezvous: A SandRay Story

Chapter 16: I Should Love You

RAY's POV

The days since Sand decided to end things in that café had felt like I was coasting through life on autopilot. To deal with the pain and confusion in my heart, I threw myself headlong into taking care of Mew. It was the best distraction I could find, or so I thought.

Mew, he'd been in a pretty pitiful state - needy and mostly immobile. Sometimes, when I'm busy catering to his needs, I can forget about the haunting image of Sand's pained eyes. But today was different, today was scary.

Out of nowhere, Mew snapped out of whatever daze he'd been in for the past few days and transformed into a whole new person. He was all about anger, revenge, and abandonment. He grabbed any alcoholic drink he could find and started chugging them down. It wasn't like before when our living room was filled with booze. Sand had pointed out that keeping them within my reach only encouraged me to drink more, so I locked them up in the bar and only allowed myself a few shots when I really couldn't resist.

Thinking it would be better if Mew got drunk at my place instead of going out like he'd suggested, I unlocked the bar and handed him a bottle of my favorite whiskey. I poured myself one too - after all, my heart was shattered, too. He drank like there was no tomorrow, and I listened to his outbursts and tears.

We ended up on the carpeted floor, my thoughts drifting to Sand, the guy with the gorgeous, doe-like eyes and a smile that could outshine the sun. Mew suddenly looked at me, a long, intense look, and said, "My life would be less painful if I loved you, Ray. You know, I should love you. Starting today, I choose you. I'm going to date you."

The first thing I felt was hurt. It was probably what Sand felt when he believed he was just a second option. Now that Top was out of the picture, he saw me as boyfriend material. The second feeling was satisfaction. I mean, I've had feelings for Mew for as long as I can remember, and what he was suggesting was like a dream come true, at least, it would've been a few months ago, I finally can cross the friendzone with Mew. Then came confusion, because I should be thrilled about this declaration, but I wasn't. In fact, I was reluctant to jump into it. Lastly, I felt pity for Mew. How brokenhearted he must be to think he could actually choose who to love and of course he will choose me because I am safe.

I couldn't bring myself to say no, despite my mixed feelings. I couldn't add to Mew's hurt, and I've never been able to deny him anything. Not in all the years I've known him, and I wasn't about to start now.

So, in the end, I kept quiet, and Mew took that as a yes. He put his head on my chest and hugged me tight. I held him close, giving him the comfort he needed, all the while thinking about someone else, someone whose embrace was as warm as a crackling fire in winter and as comforting as home. Someone whose feelings were all for me. Sand. His name escaped my lips in a whispered prayer as I drifted into a fitful slumber, my brain a mix of alcohol and emotional chaos.

SAND's POV

Truth be told, I've become strangely accustomed to comforting Nick during the night, letting him sleep in my bed as we both cry ourselves to sleep. It's a sort of cover, a reason to let go and embrace the pain I feel deep inside because of Ray, who's been radio silent ever since that day.

In the morning, we both woke up with puffy eyes and our tears all cried out. We make a half-hearted attempt at breakfast before heading off to school or work, depending on the time. Pretending has become my second skin, but maybe the concealers I've been dabbing under my eyes aren't working that well anymore because I've started noticing the concerned glances my coworkers give me. I've stopped pretending to care about anyone in general, just going about my business as quickly as possible - both at the university and at work. Whatever pain I'm holding back, I wait until I'm in bed with Nick, where I can let it all out again.

I could continue like this, or so I thought, until today. As I stood there watching, it was clear that Mew and Ray had crossed into dangerous territory. They were both inebriated and way too close for comfort on that dance floor. It was a sharp, piercing pain in my chest, like someone had stabbed me, that prompted me to make a hasty exit. I couldn't bear to witness this anymore, not when it felt like my heart was being torn apart.

I noticed the same pained expression on Top's face as I passed him near the door. He had just arrived, but the scene was obvious to both of us. At least I wasn't alone in this misery. I tried to muster a smirk at my own self-deprecating thought.

I lit up a cigarette, trying to calm the storm brewing inside my mind and heart. I had been preparing myself for this, hadn't I? I always knew that Ray would be with Mew as long as Mew accepted it. Tonight, they had clearly crossed that friend zone line. I shouldn't be feeling like I was suffocating, with the air too thin, because I had anticipated this. This was why I let Ray go.

About halfway through the smoke, I noticed Top approaching me. He seemed a bit out of place, trying to find a comrade in this lost battle. He gave me one of his charming smiles, the kind that had once won me over, but now, it didn't have the same effect.

"Do you have another one?" he asked.

"I've never seen you smoke before," I said, giving him a sidelong glance as he dug his hands into his slacks.

"I think I need it badly right now," he replied, clearly more of a non-smoker.

"Didn't you enjoy the view over there?" I sarcastically asked.

"Did you?" He retorted, hitting a sore spot.

And Top just stood there beside me, not even remembering he'd asked me for a cigarette. It was like he was trying to find the right words.

Then, amidst the heavy silence, Top finally asked, "Sand, did you and Ray break up?"

I stared at him for a while and replied, "There's no break up when there's no relationship, Top."

"But I was sure I saw you together a couple of times. I've seen you acting sweetly, I assumed you were dating each other."

"Then you assumed wrong, Mr. Playboy. Since we're asking personal questions, may I ask why in God's name did you have to sleep with your boyfriend's friend? Cheating itself is already messed up, but cheating with your boyfriend's friend is a one-way ticket to hell."

A fleeting expression of guilt crossed Top's face, but it quickly vanished. "Boston and I slept together before I met Mew. I wasn't planning on sleeping with him ever again, but he managed to convince me that Ray and Mew were actually also sleeping together. And no, I'm not making excuses, Sand. I messed up big time. I've never had feelings for anyone before Mew, and I guess my judgment got clouded when he told me that out of jealousy. I'm not excusing myself; I'm just saying," he confessed.

As much as Top was irritating as hell, I could sympathize with him. The insecurity and jealousy must have been crawling beneath his skin, making him act irrationally. It was wrong, but he had taken what Boston was offering—a temporary respite. A respite that would cost him dearly. I wouldn't usually care, but his screw-up had also cost me my almost-relationship with Ray. The temptation to kick his horny ass was strong.

I nodded as if to acknowledge the too-late nature of his regrets and said, "So when did you stop pretending not to know me? You're actually talking to me right now. Are you no longer afraid that Mew will find out that you also slept with me?" It was a stark realization for both of us, considering this was likely the longest we'd been alone together since that fateful night.

That's when it happened. A shattering glass, a sudden crash, and the piercing noise filled the empty alley we stood in. I looked up to find Ray, his eyes wide with shock and betrayal. Damn, he had definitely overheard our conversation.