Midnight Rendezvous: A SandRay Story

Chapter 20: A Healing Journey

RAY'S POV

For far too long, I'd been unable to say no or ignore Mew's demands, but a turning point had arrived as I set my phone to "do not disturb" for the entire week. I needed some distance before confronting Mew, and I wanted to do it when I could keep my emotions in check.

I knocked on Mew's apartment door three times before he answered, and to my surprise, there was an unfamiliar man hastily putting on his shirt inside. Mew, on the other hand, looked disheveled and out of sorts. He seemed almost unfazed, as though he'd grown accustomed to me always acquiescing to his desires.

"Let's talk Mew" I said as I pushed the door open wider and pointed at the man who was looking both scared and confused "You! Get the fuck out". The guy scrambled out like he had been chased with a butcher knife.

"Look Ray, are you mad? I've been calling you over and over trying to talk to you. It's been a week. I was just having a bit of fun, this means nothing" Mew said defending his horrid action.

"No need to explain to me Mew, I'm not even mad" and surprisingly what I just had said was true. I wasn't mad, I am more worried about whatever latest self destructive behavior he was up to. I was exhausted and maybe exasperated. All these years of pinning after Mew and we are tragically ending here, with maybe not even our friendship to spare. Is this the only version of Mew I deserve when I finally got him as a boyfriend? I sighed to myself.

"I realized it myself all this time that I wasn't really honest with you too and that is why I did not mind even if I knew you were just using me to get back at Top and maybe forget about him too. I also realized that loving someone should come to you naturally and easily. If you never fell in love with me all these years, I should have just accepted that and moved on, because feelings can't ever be forced. You don't wake up one day and realize you love someone, that's not how it happens" Mew looked like he wanted to say something but I signaled him to stop.

"I've loved you far too long and I am disappointed that I only got this kind of relationship from you but then again I don't really blame you and I apologize too because I should have been honest with you when you said you should love me because I will never hurt you, because I have right? I know you are not blind Mew. We've been close forever so you know the Ray that you got as a boyfriend, wasn't really the Ray you were expecting. Somewhere along the way, the center of my world has stopped being you without me noticing it Mew. Just like I am sure I am not yours. Mine is now Sand. I apologize for going off on you because of what you said but you should also apologize for what you said about him."

"I know you're hurting because of what Top did, I understand how devastated you are but Sand wasn't the one he cheated on you with. They might have had something but that was before all of us came to the picture. It's their past, everyone has a past Mew."

Tears are freely flowing down Mew's face now, like a little child lost. "You are leaving me too for someone else like Top Ray? I chose you because you used to tell me how you will stay with me no matter what, that you will never leave me" he sobs and my heart aches for my best friend because despite it all I still love Mew. He is and will always be one of my dearest best friends, like Cheum, even the asshole Boston.

"No Mew, I am not leaving you. I will always be your best friend but I just can't be your boyfriend" I whispered softly. It was cathartic for me to finally say it because my heart has been whispering that to me for a while now. "I'll stay right here and be with you until you can stand on your own again. I'll be here for you whenever you need me but Mew you have to stop this destructive behavior. This isn't you at all" I held his hand and looked him in the eyes to convey that I was sincerely concerned "This kind of behavior has my name written all over it but not you" I added self-deprecatingly.