Daddy's Little Girl (h.s)

13. Not good enough

"Just stop." I hold my breath as the words finally leave my mind. I'm not letting my desires to take over. Not this time.

Beautiful green eyes stop to stare at me. The gentle smile washes off of his fine defined face.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying or am I just hallucinating?" Harry takes his hand away from mine, eyes turning somewhat colder and darker.

"I mean it. You're just playing, pretending to be sweet and all. We both know what you want." I blurt out, but try to keep calm. I know that if I let him in, he'd be worse than Brian. I need to keep reminding myself that he's no good. No matter what he pretends to be. No matter what. No matter what. No matter what. Let's hope that sentence won't leave my already confused mind.

He chuckles and keeps slowly turning his face towards the window. " Just when I thought you couldn't get any crazier. I just wanted to kiss you. What's the big deal. It's just a kiss, it's not like it was meant to mean something."

This is why I have to stop myself from falling for him. Every time he spits something, it feels like someone is torturing my heart.

"Leave. Please." I take my eyes off of him and rub my temples.

"This is how you thank me? You're being a bitch for no reason what so ever. "

"For no reason? Harry I don't go out just kissing guys for fun, I want to kiss someone who actually cares for me and loves me. I deserve to be loved you know." I speak out, words filling with rage.

"Here we go with this love shit chicks talk about again and again and again and agai-"

"Stop!"

"No, you stop. I guess I'll take every word I said back earlier. You're too damaged to even have a stable conversation with. You're going insane with all that love crap. Listen to me carefully there's no such a thing as love. Never was, never will. It's only lust that people mistake as love and then cry when it doesn't turn out to be the fairytale they imagine it as. Love is nothing and isn't it little desperate to hold on to nothing, huh?"

A tear rolls from the corner of my eyes, but that's all. I'm not going to cry like a baby this time.

I try to pick my pieces up for the upcoming words," I think-"

I stop to stare at him, not flinching at all. Fuck this negativity everyone is filled with. Yes, I was filled with it too, but not anymore. I'm not going to go on and think that the glass is half empty. At least the glass has some juice in it and we should enjoy it. So, fuck everyone's negativity!

"Well?" Harry interrupts my thoughs and gestures with his hand for me to go on.

"I think", I raise my voice, " the fact that we hold on to nothing and fill it with our fantasies of endless what if's, and think that maybe that nothing will someday turn into something and that's what I call hope, not desperate." I let my breath loose as the words finally leave my mouth.

" And I'm sorry that somehow you didn't get enough of love and now choose to hate it or even worse deny it's being. Love is what makes us whole, what makes us love life again. Love doesn't hurt people it's the fucking people itself that decide to hurt one another. Don't you get it? You're always referring that I'm the one who is suffering, the one that is damaged but come again when you've thought about it clearly. I'm not the damaged one, Harry, because you're it. You're so damaged that you've used to it and don't seem to notice it and you're pointing fingers at me when yours are more dirty than mine will ever be. Tell me, does it make you feel better when you burst like that every time I say no to something you like to do? Does it make you more whole as a person when you mock and call me things? Does it really feel amazing to take back your gentle words? Way to live your life when you're not even living it. But like I said, I really am sorry that someone destroyed your future before you even got to live it."

He doesn't say a single word, his pupils getting larger second by second. He tries to say something, but it seems like his throat is dry? I grab the mug filled with water and give it to him. He drinks it all at once, not leaving my eyes. I hate this atmosphere. I caused it all, I could've just kissed him. I know, but what's the use? Kiss him then fall more and more? I don't think I have it in me to be broken again like I used to be. I mean i'm still picking up the pieces of my heart and I know anyone who tries to help me will cut themselves, too. But, the fact that he didn't deny any of my words means that he really haven't felt love at all. Not even from his parents?

We both just stare at the wall. Harry doesn't even move. He seems to be frozen. Did it really hit him that hard? The things I said? Could it be that after all he has a little heart in him?

We both flinch as my phone starts to ring. "Hello?"

"Oh, Brian. Yes, I'm fine. Well, let me get out first, okay?" I chuckle at Brian's stupid jokes and take a brief look at Harry while I'm talking.

Harry doesn't speak at all, he just keeps staring at me like a lost puppy. Maybe, I shouldn't have said anything. "Yes,brian..." I shake my head at this crazy boy talking on the other side of the line.

Harry gets up. Finally some movement. But then sadness is making it way through my soul as I see him leaving. I guess everything is over what ever this was between us. I take last look at the flowers, guess I just wasn't good enough for him nor I'm not what he wants me to be.

"Allyson?" I hear at the end of the line as I hang up.

it's over.

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