My Abusive Ex

Chapter 2

It's been a year and a half since I became a single parent.

I think back to the day that he left, and I shake my head. What was I thinking? Did I really believe he'd just go? Did I think him not being there would make all the issues disappear?

The only positive was the immense relief I felt. That remains a strong memory, and whilst it didn't last very long, it gave me the confirmation that him leaving was the right thing to do.

Of course, as I predicted, Robert never actually intended to leave. At least not for good. No, he was giving me a message. And a strong message at that, if he left, I would be left with nothing. He would leave me in a desolate state and faced with no options but to welcome him back with open arms, he would return. With him I have security, the children and I are looked after, without Robert I am ruined.

And I was almost ruined, because when Robert left I was quickly plunged into debt. My overdraft was 50% over the agreed level and I was at serious risk of having my home repossessed. With no income it was a very big financial hole.

But what Robert didn't realise was I was prepared to fight to stay afloat. And whilst he thought he had control, the reality was he wasn't my only option. I had a career before Robert came along. A career I could return to. I had already shown I was the Queen of survival and if I had to do it again, I would. More importantly I could. Robert had superficial power and truth be known, I have more strength in my little finger than he has in his entire being.

When Luke died, Robert was sat in bed all day. I was facing my fears. I know I shouldn't judge and I shouldn't compare, but when we experienced the worst part of our lives I was the one who got up and got us back on track. I engaged in therapy, and I was rebuilding our lives. Alone. Without his help. Robert didn't have the strength to face his world, he didn't engage in therapy, he slept all day and drank all night.

He walked out of his job and refused to look for another. He was sinking and it was me who saved him. I kept a roof over our heads, I ensured we had food to eat, and I paid all the bills. I remained by his side, and I didn't ask for anything in return. I told Robert that I believed in him, and I encouraged him to fight for a better future. I assured Robert he could make our son proud, and I showed my support by enabling him to start a business; nobody else was willing to put their hand in their pocket and support him. No bank, no parent, no friend.

Robert's departure was a huge learning curve for us both, but possibly more so for him. I've learnt that those who love you can try to destroy you. That just as you think someone can't stoop any lower, they can. I thought the end of the relationship meant the end of abuse, but abuse doesn't go away once a relationship is through, it escalates. I've learnt that Robert could, without guilt or conscience, use our children as pawns to prolong the abuse. But most shockingly of all, I learnt that nobody would intervene and tell him to get a grip.

His family. His friends. Those who worked with him. They all looked the other way. Quick to justify his behaviour and make me out to be the over dramatic, obsessive ex-partner. Why did nobody tell Robert to start behaving like a grown up?

Whether it was a mixture of 'it's none of my business, she's a psycho' or the fact that he showered them with money and gifts, who knows. Who needs the bank when you have Robert, wiling to loan you a couple of grand until you get yourself through a tight spell?