My Abusive Ex

Chapter 7

Before the end of summer I'd saved enough to take the children on holiday abroad. A last minute trip to Majorca is a much needed end to a school year. I knew as long as there was a kids club by day and a mini disco by night we would be ok, and the children had a whale of a time

They are very sociable and quickly became super friendly with the holiday reps. We spent most of our time relaxing by the pool, and the children would be trotting around the pool playing follow the leader with the hotel entertainment team. They joined in as many poolside games as they could, and every afternoon I'd film them dancing around the pool doing the correct dance moves to the holiday songs. A quick siesta, shower and change and each night we'd be ready for the evening entertainment.

I like to explore places on holiday, I'm well travelled, but it's different for the children. They want to stay where they are having fun and making friends. I don't mind at all, and I managed to get myself a few books before we flew out.

They've had pirate nights, chocolate nights and disco nights. We've been to see a professional show where we were given VIP treatment, and they've danced their little legs off. We have explored the close vicinity and they have spoken a little Spanish to the locals, which went down so well they got free gifts at the Spa.

For most of the holiday I've sat on my own, with the kids and my book. The place is filled with families, but I didn't seen one other single parent. Mealtimes are fun because the children can't carry their food back to the table without dropping a load on the floor. I've trialled a few different ways of eating.

There's the one where we go up one by one and I help them choose what they want, then lead them back to the table. The only problem is when I go up for my food they get upset and want to know where I am. If they can't see me they panic.

The other way is I sit them at the table and then I dart round the restaurant, at super-speed, collecting plates and food and then I return them to the table. Again, if the kids can't see me they panic, but I try to be as fast as I can.

The third option, which is the best option by far, is if we are early enough we get to sit in the children's section. It's super close to the buffet and has Ikea plastic plates and child friendly food. The kids serve themselves and there's less chance of tears.

Robert goes on holidays too, although he never offers to take the children, and he doesn't care if he books dates which clash with his contact time. He doesn't pay towards the cost of the children going on holiday with me, he doesn't help towards the cost of holiday clothes, and he doesn't give them any spending money.

I understand he doesn't have to, but it would be nice of him to engage in their lives a little more. Our arguments have continued to escalate and by the start of the new school year he's threatening me with court.

I seek my own legal advice and am told there is nothing I can do. I can't force a father to have contact with his children, I just have to put up with the jumping through hoops until one day he decides to disappear from our lives altogether or he takes me to court for formal access arrangements. I am not allowed to take him to court.

I am also not entitled to Legal Aid. I earn too much. I ask how on earth I can earn too much? I work three days per week. The legal system threshold is extremely low, so as a teacher, even one who works part time, I earn too much.

What about Legal Aid for Domestic Abuse victims? I don't qualify for that either. You see I still earn too much. They take my salary and the fact I own a house into consideration but ignore the fact I am the only one paying childcare and I am the one covering all the costs of the children. They ignore the fact I have no money left at the end of each month, I live pay cheque to pay cheque, and my savings are non-existent.