My Abusive Ex

Chapter 10

I'm sure that Robert hated me now more than ever before. I was humiliating him in black and white. I could only imagine his face when his legal representative said he had received correspondence from me and passed my letter across the table. The time it would have taken for him to read, the questions he would have had to answer, the advice on what to answer and what to disregard.

And I was glad. I hoped he was humiliated, and I hoped this was costing him a small fortune. He has done so much damage to our family and then tried to intimidate me by going legal. I hope he knows this has spectacularly backfired on him.

I wondered if he would show his parents my letters. I wondered if he would be silly enough to continue using a legal firm. Surely, he had an idea of how this was going to proceed. I had nothing to lose, I had slowly come to terms with his reluctance and refusal to support his children physically, emotionally and financially and it was clear he didn't want to increase his contact.

I was mad, I was angry, and I was furious.

I was a mum wanting the best for her children.

Parents who do the majority of the parenting should have the right to apply for full parental responsibility and be able to strip the other parent of their parental rights. It might sound controversial but isn't that what the state do? When social services become involved with families, if the parents aren't parenting, they go to court and apply for the children to become a ward of the state. Why is my scenario any different? If I wasn't doing my part, our children would be in the care system. If I parented like Robert our children would be labelled as neglected.

The legal system is wrong. I have to put up with all this upheaval and hope he walks or takes me to court. But why would he take me to court? He doesn't actually want regular contact and he doesn't want to be part of their lives.

Robert wants to pick and choose when to be part of Chloe and Thomas's lives. He only wants to see them when it suits him. He puts himself before the children. He won't take them to their dance or swimming classes, he refuses to take them to their friend's parties, he thinks his time with them means all their other activities go out the window.

There's no responsibility. Not really. It's all about making ourselves available for when Robert can be bothered. And when he can't he tells lies and says I have been unreasonable, I have stopped him seeing his own children. If I make one mistake he repeatedly reminds me. If he makes a mistake it's all my fault.

It's a completely flawed system. I don't even know why Robert's gotten a legal firm involved, it makes no sense. I have no idea what he wants. I'm not sure Robert knows what he wants. His legal firm are happy writing letters and taking money from him. He's like a cash cow. Throwing away good money after bad.

If I ignore Robert's correspondence I will be seen to be alienating him from the parenting process. The only power I have is writing my letters, so I intended to use them to the best of my ability.

Like I said earlier, this was unexpectedly cathartic, a little repetitive at times but in some ways it was a form of counselling. Continue at your peril Mr Poulson...

1st November 2014

Dear Mr Woodward,

Re: Ref CB/MB/POULSON

Thank you for your letter.

As I am sure you are aware, I have spent considerable time constructing letters to yourself. I have done so to enable you to gain a greater insight into the dynamics of the relationship between myself and your client, but more importantly I have written in depth to try and activate change. The needs of my children are always at the forefront of my mind and everything I have disclosed I have done so in the hope that your client recognises it is his own behaviour that acts as a barrier to contact.