IN A DAZE

I woke up one morning like it's the first time. It's so hard to move my feet and it hurts when I move my head and even my neck. I feel a little dizziness. Then I found myself inside a white room. White beddings, white tables with some bottles of medicines and an empty styro of food, and a white wallpaper that covers the wall, but there's just one thing that was very different inside the room, it's the fresh beautiful red bouquet of roses that was wrapped with a transparent white cellophane and placed over the bedside table. I take a look at it. Then I start to wonder who gave that flowers, and why there are flowers here. And it gave me a clue for where I am right now. "A hospital room," I uttered, shifting my right hand with a thing attached on it (which I conclude a bandage) to my aching head. "What happened?" Then I start recalling the things that had happened before I found myself here. But I failed when I only saw a blur from my mind, then my head again aches which made me forcedly closed my eyes that helps lessen the pain. I gasped. That somewhat made me cussing words.

Knock! Knock! I turn my attention to the door that was located to the right side of the room. Then the door creaks and a girl on wheelchair and a nurse that was pushing the girl's wheels inside my room went inside, which made me arched my eyebrows. And a question popped up from my mind, "Then, who could this be?"

The nurse then bowed to the pale girl patient who's in front of me after placing her at the side of my bed, then the nurse get out of the room. In a daze, I found her arms around me and her head is placed on my chest. I was surprised when I felt something damp over my chest and saw her shed with tears and making my hospital gown wet. "Jayce..." She's sobbing at the top of my chest. How come that she knew my name? And the thing is... is that really my name? Why I can't remember anything? Who is she on my life? Why—ugh! I don't know now.

"I thought you're going to...—no! Thank God, that you're still alive," still she was crying on my chest and her head sank on it. I can't even understand of what she was saying about now because it was all covered with her crying sound. I try to say something or help her not to cry like tapping her back or something, but I ended up with my mouth open and say and do nothing. When she was already okay (if I'm not wrong) and not crying anymore, I decided to ask her a thing, "Who..." I'm very hesitant to ask her this and I can't made up my mind, even though I want to clear up all the questions that was bothering me, I think it's still not the time to ask her this.

Sometimes at days or nights, I can see this girl always on my room. She is always there every time I'm doing my physical therapies (this helps me a lot in terms of remembering the memories I lost during the car accident happened). She sometimes bring her guitar with her to my room and play some songs that was really close to my heart. I can't ask her some questions that are connected with us like our relationship because I think she'll just be frustrated. I still can't remember anything that are connected with her. She is always there when my mom's not around. Even though I still don't know her that much yet, I really feel good every time she's with me.

"Mom," I called up mom who is busy reading her fashion magazine. She responded with an arched eyebrow, while eyeing at here magazine. "Do you know who is the girl who used to visit here at my room?" I asked. She laughed and raised here eyebrow as she looked at me. "So, you have a new crush now? You've moved on with Lora?" then she chuckled and start to read again with her eyes the magazine she is holding. "What's her name, huh? Is she a nurse? The girl next door?" I laughed. "Mom, she's not a nurse! I'm the one asking you the name then you're asking the same question to me." I flickered a smile across my face. "She's so beautiful, Mom. Her voice is so nice even when she sings." I described more things I knew about this girl and as mom and I were chattering, I can see through mom's face like she's really happy for me.

Because of my mom's hectic schedules, she rarely visit me at the hospital. But how rare mom visits me was opposite to the girl who use to come here, she's frequently visiting me especially when mom's out. I don't know why she prefer coming at the time when my mom's out. And every time she's sitting at my side and singing a song, I listen and listen to her voice, I look and look at her eyes as she plays a song and teaching me how to play guitar. And as I do those things every time, my heart... skips its beat a couple times than the usual beat. And sometimes, I just found myself placing my hand to my chest, closing my eyes, and listening to the sound inside it. The sound's so good that every time I can hear those beats, pain from my body fades away...

The day came when I was really physically okay, no bandages attached, no head support and all. And the doctor said that there will be no problem if I go home. I am so excited and sad. Because when I'm going to left this hospital, the patient who used to visit me, I won't see her frequently... and I don't know if I can still... But before I'm coming back home, I decided to visit her room. She gave me her room number last night after I told her that I'll be leaving the hospital soon. Though it's hard to leave her because she really did cry a lot when I told her that.

I made my way to the elevator and every once and then, I am peeking at the paper where she wrote her room number last night. I am so excited and all as the elevator moves up to the third floor since it's the floor where her room is situated.

I searched for her room, and there I saw the same number placed on the hospital room door that was written on the paper. I knock at the door excitedly, but there was no response. And once again, I knocked, but again, no responses. I decided to open the door for myself. But before I open the door, I practice my greetings for her. And there I turn the knob but—"Jayce?" My heart almost went out of its cage when somebody from my back muttered my name. I turn around and saw a matured guy in front of me. "Y... yes?" I curiously asked, the fact that I don't know this guy. And he put his face a weird look on me, but he just composed himself and he opened the door. Everything went slow-motion as he opens the door... And there... I almost past out with what I saw. "A heart monitor? A life support machine?" I whispered to myself. "What happened to her last night? She was okay last night... but... what now?" I am so puzzled. I am so confused and don't know what to react. I went to the girl lying on the bed with her hospital accessories and cry my eyes out.

"Jayce!" I looked back at the voice calling me, it was my mom, standing at the door and she is catching her breath hardily. "Mom?" I said with a trembling voice. I don't know how she got here. Did somebody inform her? "How did you—?"

"—Mrs. Robins?" I was cut by the guy I don't know who. I am so confused now. How come this guy knows me and my mom?

"How do you—"

I was about to ask him when he cut me again. "Why you're here?" I can see coldness in his eyes and he's about to cry. "Lora's still on coma since that car accident happened and it's—"

"L... Lora? Her name's Lora? She's in coma since the car accident happened?" I asked confusedly. How could she be in coma when I can always see her visit at my room? Then all things were again played at my mind and they were like flashbacks. Then I realized, the girl who used to visit me at my room was just the spirit of Lora. She guides me even though she's in a critical condition... she helped me remember the things I can't. she helped me to play again the guitar that I forgot how to. She helped me to reduce the pains that I felt every time, and when I'm hardly move my bones... She helped me remember that my heart... just beat for her...

A tear fall from my eyes. Then in a daze the heart monitor beside Lora—Lora, the girl I love—draw a straight line and there's no heartbeats to be heard anymore. Just a deafening sound... the most defeating sound I've ever heard in my whole life. My knees treble which caused me not to stand in posture. But the most painful of all, was my heart, its beating but it's torn between pains and grieve. A tear fell from my eye, and there came another falling, another, and another.

Love comes in an unexpected time. Love ends in an unexpected time. IN A DAZE.