Running Away- finnpoe

Chapter 19

"But I've already been told I'm not Force Sensitive." Finn said, confused. "The Jedi said so, and so did Rey."

"Well, Rey isn't here right now, and neither are the Jedi." Poe told him. "I think you should at least try. I don't have any other ideas how you're dreaming of the world between worlds."

Finn wasn't convinced, but he didn't object. "Okay." He said. "What do you want me to do?"

Poe thought for a moment. "Uh. You could try to guess what I'm thinking of."

Finn nodded. "Should I close my eyes?"

Poe shrugged. "If you wanna."

Finn closed his eyes. He had heard very little about the Force, and even less about how to use it. He could remember something about feeling an energy, reaching out.

'If I was Poe, what would I be thinking about?' He wondered. He sat there for a moment, with no success.

'Come on, Force.' He thought, annoyed. 'Give me a sign that I can do this.'

Nothing.

Finn frowned. He thought about Poe, and how much he enjoyed flying. How much he cared about people, and how even when he disobeyed direct orders, he wanted to do the right thing. How he had welcomed Finn into his life without a second thought. How pained he had been when Rey had been captured, because he cared. He cared so much, even when he tried not to show it.

Just as Finn was about to give up, he could feel. He could feel the Force, the energy flowing through him. He could feel Poe's thoughts.

It was agony.

Finn was hit with a wave of emotions, the most prominent being anger, sadness, and guilt. And pain. So much pain. But.. also something else, that Finn did not have time to understand. He was hurt, and suddenly he lost the control he had just found.

He came to his senses, and found himself clutching at his chest, breathing hard. Poe was holding him upright, wide-eyed.

"Finn? Are you okay?"

Finn nodded. "I.." He looked up. "Are you okay? I don't mean to be rude, but how do you live like that?"

Poe's voice became flat. "What did you see?"

"I didn't see anything." Finn said. "I just felt.. I don't know. It hurt."

Poe looked away. "I'm sorry." He said quietly. "It was a stupid idea. Let's not do it again, yeah?"

"Did it hurt?" Finn asked.

"Did what hurt?"

"When I was in your head. Did it hurt?"

Poe looked at him, confused. "..No."

Finn nodded. "Okay. I wanna try again, if that's alright with you."

Poe wasn't convinced. "I don't think this is a good idea."

"Please? I just wanna prove to myself that I can do this."

Poe sighed. "Fine. Once. But if.. that happens again, we leave it."

Finn closed his eyes. He thought of exactly the same things as before, but there was nothing. Nothing except his own thoughts and growing embarrassment.

"I don't think this is working." Poe told him. "I'm sorry."

"But it worked before?" Finn insisted. "Maybe I'm just not focusing hard enough, or-"
"How do you know it wasn't just a fluke?" Poe asked. "I think we should just forget it."

"But what if-"

"Finn, no. That's enough."

Finn didn't understand why Poe had suddenly become so reluctant to help him. "Why?"

"I said that's eno-"

"What are you so afraid of?" Finn snapped. "That I'm gonna see something I'm not supposed to?"

"Yeah!" Poe glared at him. "Yeah. Just because you're my friend, and you've got magical powers or some shit doesn't mean you get to know every little thing that goes on in my life. I've had people like you rooting around in my head before, and it's not gonna happen again."

"People like me?"

"Jedi! Dark Jedi, Sith, whatever you call them. The last one who messed with my head left me half dead where no one would ever find me. And that.. that was ages ago, but I haven't forgotten. You don't forget pain like that. You don't forget it because it follows you. With every mention of the Force, the Jedi, all that, it's there. And when you try to sleep, to forget, it comes with you. The memories don't let you forget. So if you turn out to be Force Sensitive, good for you, but don't expect me to get all happy about that."

Finn didn't know what to say. "I- I'm sorry." He said quietly. "Are you-" Before he could finish his sentence, Poe was gone.

---

Finn was sitting on his own, eating lunch. Jess Pava spotted him, and walked over.

"You alright sitting by yourself?" She asked. "I haven't seen you and Poe apart for a while. I thought you guys were going out?"

Finn shrugged. "I dunno what we are. I mean, it feels like we should be like that, but we don't always work out."

Jess frowned and sat opposite him. "What do you mean?"

"It just.. feels like he doesn't actually like me sometimes? Like he doesn't actually care much about me." He sighed. "I'm not trying to be rude, I just-"

"No, I get it." Jess said, "Sometimes things won't work out. Poe's always had problems with relationships."

Finn nodded. "Could I ask you a really random question?"

"Yeah?"

Finn lowered his voice. "How do you feel about Poe? Like, is there anything slightly off about him?"

Jess looked like she wanted to say something, but shook her head. "I shouldn't talk about him. He is my friend, after all."

"It's important." Finn insisted. "Please."

Jess looked around the room, until she was happy that Poe wasn't there. "Okay." She said quietly. "Honestly, he was one of my closest friends. Of course he was always a bit rebellious, but you would never find anyone more caring, more loyal, than Poe. He wasn't everyone's favourite, but he was willing to give his all to a cause he believed in. He was a role model to loads of us. But.. one day he was captured."

"By the First Order?" Finn asked. Jess nodded.

"Yeah. He doesn't like to talk about it, but Kylo Ren, the big bad of the First Order, tortured him for information and left him to die in the detention cell. Rey rescued him, but she found him unconscious and bleeding out. She had to drag him outta there; he was completely unresponsive. Anyway, when he woke up, he wasn't the same. Whatever happened in the cell, it screwed him up pretty bad, and it changed him for the worse."

She sighed. "He was a completely different person when he woke up. He woke up blabbering about 'his mission' and that he had to find 'him'. It was kinda spooky. We talked to him about it, but he didn't tell us anything. For one moment, he snapped out of his little trance, and began to panic, but then he was on about 'his mission' again. Ever since then, he became more and more isolated, until he was a completely different person. He was violent, and rude, it was like he couldn't even control it. It was almost like there was someone else in his head."

"Oh. That explains why he was so reluctant to help me earlier." At Jess' confused look, he added, "He thinks I'm Force Sensitive. He was going to think of something, and I was gonna guess it, but when something went wrong and I got in his head, he didn't wanna do it anymore. He got kinda angry."

"Finn." Jess said very quietly. "If you're Force Sensitive, don't let him know. He hates the Jedi, the Sith, anyone who can use the Force."

"But what about Rey?" Finn asked. "You said she saved his life."

"It's very complicated." Jess told him. "But after the state he was in when she found him, I don't think he felt like he owed Force users anything."