Beautiful Dreamer

43. Never Letting Go

"It's about time you got back."

That familiar voice brought Ari to a complete stop. The living room was pitch dark upon her arrival, but when she'd switched the lights on, Ned was sitting by the corner, silently waiting for her arrival. "I thought you'd left for your trip again. Did you reschedule?"

"I couldn't. Not after the spectacle today. I had someone represent me instead."

"Right," Ari replied, then walked past Ned towards their bedroom, but Ned wasn't about to let things slide.

"It's almost morning. Where were you?"

"I had errands to follow up and service recovery at the office."

"Is that so?" Ned asked rhetorically, not believing a single word, but Ari was quick enough to catch on.

"Everything's been taken care of by the IT department as well as the security team. Nothing of whatever happened today has been left; therefore, your mind can be at ease."

"I thought the cameras were not in effect yet?"

"I had them running the last week before the launch."

Ned remained silent, his eyes not wavering from Ari, who appeared to be holding a grudge over her partner's earlier outburst.

"Why'd you lose your temper like that?" Her question was met by acute silence. "This discussion can not be ignored, Ned. If you need more time to cool off, then I shall grant you one; however, we have to talk about this, considering this is not the first time you've acted this way. As a matter of fact, it's becoming rampant by the day."

"I've always feared that someone will snatch you away from me one day. To think that was to happen this soon. Not once have I enjoyed a moment of peace being with you. Is this what it means to date dominant?"

Ari sighed and turned to leave. "Let's just go to bed and talk once we've both calmed down."

"I wish to discuss the matter right now," Ned replied, stopping Ari in her tracks. "While I was sitting here waiting for your return, it occurred to me that you were never really mine to begin with. Your reflexive response to the sight of that brazen youngster is something you can't help now, can you?"

"Not now Ned, please."

"It appears dominant females can be subdued as long as they have a love interest weakness. Is that why you suppressed your instincts to bed every Tom Dick and Harry?"

"I don't want to argue with you, Ned. I'm exhausted as it is..."

"Even so," Ned interrupted, "I shouldn't have compromised myself and shared you with someone else. Quite the opposite of dominant males, for we are very possessive."

"Ned..."

"Let me finish. If I don't speak up now, I'm afraid I'll lose my temper once more, and I hate that you had to see that side of me."

Placing her briefcase on the couch before Ned, Ari sat on the armrest and urged Ned to proceed even though she didn't want to partake in the discussion. Presently, it was not Ned's temper she was worried about but her own. Earlier that day, Rey had agreed to leave without putting up a fight, which was very much unlike him, and afterwards, she pondered over the health of her relationship in solitude and the things Rey had said. 

"I'd hate to think I may have made someone go through what I'm experiencing right now, forcing a relationship that isn't there and lying to themselves that they were satisfied to wait for me to feel the same way. It's disheartening."

"Ned, listen..."

"I lost my temper. I also regret my desperate attempt to make you feel the same about me."

"Ned, I do like you."

"I know you do, but it's not with the intensity I crave for. This knowledge only chokes me with extreme regret and despair. I've become a failure to the very end, and the earlier I accept that the better for me. I kept convincing myself that as long as I had you close to me, I'd be happy. I deluded myself knowingly like a fool. I saw countless red flags and played blind to them all, compromising my pride and reputation... I gave you everything I could, but you still chose him, Ari."

"I didn't choose anybody."

"My point exactly! You've chosen neither of us, hanging by the fence when it's clear as day who you really want to be with! Do you think I'm blind? Seeing your expression today, I realized I'm the fool here, keeping you two apart and imagining you introducing him to your family before me... I should have been the one to accompany you there. But...even so, I will never give up."

"Stop it, Ned! Enough. You and I both know I'm at fault here. You gave me a pass, but that doesn't mean I should take it."

"Ari dear," Ned's expression changed into utter despair. "I had to. You had this look on you whenever Rey was around. How is it that everyone can see it but you?" Standing up to walk towards her, Ned added, "I've had everything in this life on my pedestal, but why can't I have you completely?"

'So all this time, you knew everything but held your tongue and dealt with reality by yourself. It seems history is repeating itself; another day of me driving another person to ruins.' Ari thought to herself. "Let us end this, Ned. This is not about Rey. I feel that I have a lot of things I need to sort out about myself, and I don't want to drag you into my silent hell."

Ned fell silent. He looked shaken and hurt...? Ari couldn't tell, but from his clenched jaw, he definitely was furious.

"It seems I've been asking for too much. I take it all back, my dear." Reaching to hold Ari by the shoulders, he went on, "It's okay if you don't love me. I can endure that, but please don't break up with me. Don't regret our time together."

"I don't regret it at all. I fear if we don't end things now, we might end up hurting each other more. Ned, you are changing by the day, living in your own mind full of speculations and missing work. This is unlike you."

"Do you realize how much you are hurting me right now? And who gave you the right to break up with me after I've endured everything from that brat you like so much? Huh? Why do you keep mocking my efforts in trying to keep this relationship afloat?"

"Ned, listen to yourself, please. You always had your head straight, but things have been going downhill since we began dating."

"Downhill, you say! Downhill? What I'm I supposed to do then, with you always meeting that bastard behind my back and hiding it from me!"

"Ned, you're yelling again. Calm down."

"I'm calm!"'Damn it! I know he is right. He's been open about it from the very beginning, and I knew... I saw it... I saw this day coming, but I can't fathom the thought of giving you up, Ari... I love you.'

"Ned," Ari pulled her lover into a comforting embrace. She had much to say, but this wasn't the right time. "Is that why you've been skipping work? If Rey is what worries you, I assure you I kept my word to you."

Pulling away, Ned rejected her offer for comfort. Instead, he smiled, though he appeared to be hurting. "You see, my dear Ari, you are right. I haven't been in my right mind lately, but I'll do better. I'll delegate my responsibilities at work so we can be together more frequently."

"That's not the point I'm trying to pass across."

"I know, so just let me be. If you want to continue seeing him, you may, but don't ever say we are breaking up. That, I refuse to accept."