Beautiful Dreamer

9. You Need Him

'How could I not have caught on to that client? All this while, I never noticed he had vetted interests in me, and why did I go asking for trouble, offering to escort him out? Why do I always attract selfish, narcissistic or perverted jerks?

Me defending myself must have sounded like total nonsense to that homophobe as well. Even so, haven't I heard those words before? Sticks and stones, my ass! I may act confident and controlled, but deep inside, I bear lasting scars that will never heal.

Still, shouldn't I be used to rejection by now? Even if it's supposed to hurt, wouldn't it hurt a little less? Every word he uttered struck me like a cord. I should have responded instead of reacting, but his disgusted look towards me hit my very soul. This is the reason I steered off him and kept admiring him from a distance. I'm aware my feelings can never be reciprocated, and neither can I expect to be accepted for who I am or what I am as he sees me. I tried not to hurt him and kept my feelings to myself by intentionally avoiding him...

I wanted peace.

Should I apologize for what he saw despite it not being my fault? Am I also at fault for allowing that client to go overboard? Am I supposed to be ashamed of who or what I am? Or perhaps I should care that he is affected by my very existence.

Oh well, this is a significant miss on my part, and once again, life laughs at my need for love and to be loved. Sometimes, I wish to turn everything off and be the so-called normal this wretched society demands.

Even so, I remain hurt. I had so much to tell him, but he silenced each of my attempts as if he were fighting an enemy.'

"Should I come back later?" A gentle tap on the shoulder startled Ari from his thoughts. "You seem pretty distracted today."

"You are right. I am very much lost in thought." Ari replied as he fidgeted in his favourite spot in his living room. "Remind me next time not to fall in love."

"I specifically remember warning you that he is a homophobe," Mun replied, squeezing himself next to his friend to lean on his shoulder. "Why'd you have to go looking for trouble?"

"He riled me up, and I lost my temper. Anyway, I had a bad day with my trip getting cancelled, but after some sleep, I feel I'm destined for greatness. He'll have to do better than that to bring me down." Ari replied in false conviction, raising his fist as if to affirm his statement, to which Mun laughed, lifting his head from his friend's shoulder.

"Glad to see you back to your normal self, Ari."

"By the way, that client that worked us up the last couple of weeks is an aristocrat. He shall receive an award, and I need you to tag along with me for that event."

Mun frowned, grabbing a pillow and placing it at the back of his head for support. "Don't do me like that, Ari. If he is a pervert, as you say, he might tackle me too. Shouldn't you be taking someone more capable in case he goes overboard? Rey seems to be the 'no-nonsense type of all the recruits.' He is more likely to set a severe work environment, and if the client oversteps his boundaries, it's only natural he'd defend the company's reputation, if not you."

"I think not. After pretending to be apologetic, he told me exactly what he thought of me. As his boss, I'm obligated to correct him when he errs as I did. I even retracted his resignation from human resources. I recommended a transfer, but then, he was pretty raw in describing how unpleasant it was to see two men kissing. From his perspective, I was scoring deals with a client using my gay superpowers, and even if I were being attacked, he would have walked away."

Looking back up at Mun, Ari spoke with a forced enthusiasm. "Now I understand why he puts up with you, or maybe he's become fond of you. You didn't tell him you were gay; even if you were, you never said you liked him to his face stupidly like I did."