Draco's Hufflepuff | Emerging

Sixty-Seven: Grief

**

Saturday, 15th March, 1997

"Maddie?" I felt someone gently nudge me.

I chose to ignore whoever it was and stay asleep, not wanting to deal with the real world yet.

"Maddie, it's only me," they nudged me yet again, and I realised it was Hannah.

I slowly prized my eyes open. It felt as though tiny shards of glass had embedded their way into my eyelids. I squinted, the faint dimness of the lamps blinding me. As I looked out of the window, I saw that the sky outside was a deep navy blue.

The mattress beside me dipped slightly and Hannah tenderly rubbed my arm, pushing my hair out of my face. I didn't know if any of the other girls were there as well, and I didn't have the energy to crane my head back.

I was dizzy and disorientated, with no sense of time. I would guess it's still stupid o'clock in the morning because of the inky shade of the sky. Maybe Hannah had woken up, and was worried about me, so she needed to check on me before getting some more sleep herself.

"It's dinner time, Mads, you've been asleep all day," Hannah whispered, her tone empathetic and concerned,

"Oh," I swallowed.

It was 6:00pm?! I had never in my life slept in for that long, not even when I've had the Muggle flu. I couldn't help but wonder if Patrick snuck in a strong vial of Sleeping Draught in with my tea. It wouldn't even bother me if he did because it made the pain stop for a little while.

Once I had stopped crying again, and some of the shock had died down, Hannah, Patrick and I ended up having a heart-to-heart in the common room until around 2:00am.

I was expecting them both to badmouth Draco and tell me that I should be glad to be rid of him, and it was a good thing, that I'd see that eventually. I would have been ready to defend him at a moment's notice. But to my surprise, neither of them said anything wicked or hurtful about Draco. They were understanding, patient, and sweet. Probably more so than I deserved.

"Did you want me to help you get dressed, so you can come down to dinner with us? You've not eaten all day," Hannah offered.

I shook my head, blinking away the first set of tears of the day. That was one plus side of being asleep all day, at least. My throat hitched and my lip quivered.

"You'll be sat with all of us, we'll all make sure you're okay," Hannah said kindly,

"No, I just want to stay here," I said tearfully,

"Well, how about I bring you up a nice cup of tea or something? Maybe some of those nice chocolate biscuits from the kitchens?" Hannah countered, her tone sweet and soft, and it broke my heart even more.

I shook my head again, hoping she knew that I really did appreciate her being so nice to me, and trying her best to make sure I was okay.

"You just take as much time as you need, Mads. There's a glass of water on your bedside table, and you know where we are if you need us, okay? I'll come straight back to the common room after we've eaten," Hannah said, squeezing my arm.

I nodded my head and struggled to fight the urge to burst into tears. Even more so when Hannah put my duvet over me, tucked me in slightly, and kissed the top of my head.

I shut my eyes again as I listened to the click of the door closing behind them. I knew at least one other person was in our dorm, because I heard the muffled conversation between them and Hannah.

I wanted to call her back and ask about Draco, whether she knew how he was doing, or whether she'd seen him at all. But then I remembered how he didn't want Hannah talking to him anymore. I had to put him and his needs above myself for once.

I desperately wanted a fix of him, however. I needed something, anything. I was an empty shell now. Nothing but pain, heartache, and longing. I used what very little strength I had to flip over and reach into the drawer of my beside table.

As I couldn't find it in me to hoist myself up to look into the wooden drawer, I felt around to find the small serpent pin that he had given to me back in our fifth year.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I found it. I gripped onto it tightly and the metal edges dug into my palm. I silently cried to myself as the cold metal pin was piercing into my skin, not out of physical pain, but because of what it stood for, what it meant for us.

If I could have moved at all, I would have gone searching for Draco, to talk to him some more. I would have settled for talking to another Slytherin instead, just so I could get an idea of how he was feeling too. But I was stuck laying on my side, comatose, but wide awake.

The thought of Draco not being affected at all, and the heartbreak all being one-sided was enough to kill me. I desperately wanted a Time-Turner, so I could live out our happiest moments over and over again.

I closed my eyes again and hid my face away, curling my knees up into my chest and needing the day to end already. Perhaps I should have forced myself to go down to dinner, so I could catch a glimpse of Draco.

How did things go this way? Were there warning signs that I had missed? I mean, sure, I knew things were rocky between us, but he reassured me time and time again that we were going to stay together, and that we'd be okay. Why did he lie to me?

None of this was fair. I finally got what I wanted, I finally had Draco all to myself, and now he was just gone. In an instant, my entire life just vanished. My bones still felt crushed, my head was pounding, and my heart was no longer in my chest.

Apart from my granddad on my mum's side, I had never had a death in my family, so I forgot what grief felt like. The all-consuming, intense, tidal wave of misery and the biting, punishing, and bitter loneliness.

I just needed him back. I wanted him to find a way to come rushing up these stairs, take me in his arms, hold me to his body, and have me back. I wanted to nuzzle up into his neck, and cry tears of relief and hope, to know that nothing could tear us apart.