Disconnect | A Poetry Chapbook

16 | Two Suns

Pushing dawn, my night falls
Hearts sewn, my love calls
Spurted pollen flies through the air
Suddenly, I see some hair
Across the clouds, the black ones.
In my head rise two suns.

The pollen reaches and tames me down
Half my soul has wore the crown
She asked for wires meshed in thoughts
Outside a battle, inside he rots
A fallen fight with no more wishes
But winged ivory from heaven unleashes
A death so easy is an ask too shamed
Like the dreams be erased and me too famed
The curse of eyes follows still-
A slender sparrow on a grey-top till.
Beaks black tight from the poison, it kills
Me in a whiff. Ask how she feels.
Have my game as I want and avail
She poured out her heart but then she failed.
Should have stopped before flights they took
To the crest of the dark as feathers shook
The mountain is me garbed in a song
Eased in weather; rather chose to be born
With a brass ring tied to the rays, sunshine
A pipe dream seen for which I pine
I weaved my stitch in an April rain
They looked and built a castle in Spain.

One sun in ocean, the other one is free
I swim to the first, the other finds me.

~ Ithmam Hami, 16th August, 2023, 05.11 am

Explication:

"Two Suns" is something I wrote in confusion and nostalgia. It's one of those poems that came very naturally to me. I lay down and opened up my vision to every past I had and every future I might have, all at the same time! This is when I am most vulnerable and my poems are most honest.

The poem kicks off with a visual that triggered my past. A simple scenery can bring about the most ominous thoughts in my head.

Suddenly, I see some hair
Across the clouds, the black ones.

What I mean by two suns is probably a little vague and I'll let it be this way for now. But as opposed to how I'm trying to portray that it might all be inside my head, I feel the rest of the poem indicates it's just as much a matter of heart as well.

In my head rise two suns

Then I wrote probably the longest verse I have written in a while. But I couldn't resist how the verses were flowing like a fluid and I was feeling every metaphor I was masking my emotions with.

I mostly hold myself guilty for all the dilemmas I had to go through -

The curse of eyes follows still-
A slender sparrow on a grey-top till.

But I also appear as the victim of some people and their choices -

Outside a battle, inside he rots
A fallen fight with no more wishes

I challenge my victims to look at me and tell me they didn't hurt me too -

Beaks black tight from the poison, it kills
Me in a whiff. Ask how she feels.

There are some gospel references if you look into it -

But winged ivory from heaven unleashes
A death so easy is an ask too shamed

......

The mountain is me garbed in a song
Eased in weather; rather chose to be born

That's because my struggle with my faith was never over and maybe it had most to do with how I was going down at the moment.

I also question their decisions implying that a future with me was just that, a dream -

I weaved my stitch in an April rain
They looked and built a castle in Spain.

If you haven't figured out exactly what the two suns mean, then you wouldn't probably catch up on the weight of the closing lines. But that's the beauty, isn't it? It's all open to your interpretations.