Supernatural Beings: Strive Survivors Vol. 2

Strive 97: Kibishi's Overthinking

Kibishi's POV

Whoosh!

I flap my sheet in the air so that I can get it to be as straight as it can be. I then lower it and stare at the ground curiously. 

I blinked.

I was thinking about the story that Kuma told us a while ago. Having friends that's close to you being lost and not being near you. Having someone who you hold dear ends up being missing while you stress about them. The way you think about them every single day without any rest. You try to calm down, yet you can't. Your heart and soul won't rest until the person is found. I'm not sure why but the way I see it, if something is that precious to you then the moment you worry about it means that you care about them. It's the way of viewing...

It's the way you show your expression. It's the way you do things in life that means a whole lot to you. 

I need to find the leader as soon as possible. 

Kuma has been under enough stress. The moment an opportunity opens up she jumps the gun and tries to reach out to grab the most precious thing to her- The Leader. I can understand where she's coming from though. If Tao went missing for two years I would do ANYTHING to bring her back to my side. And I mean ANYTHING at that point. I just wish that I could at least assist her in a way, you know?

Alas, 

Nothing I can do can truly make the pain go away. I'll at least try to ease it up a bit if anything. 

Yeah...

I want to do that for her. After all, despite her differences, she is a sweet and kind girl from within. It's been a while since Kuma cursed fully and that's a surprise. 

Perhaps the way things are going, she hasn't been feeling herself. Well, we'll do everything within our power to help and support her. I just need to figure out a way to get past that toxic water we saw earlier. Isn't there SOMETHING we can do to protect ourselves from the toxic level from melting our skins? 

Hmm...

I'll have to think about it before I go to bed...

Rest!

"There! All done!" I nodded to myself as I placed my hands on my waist. 

Plop!

I sat on the blanket I rested looking satisfied at my fine work, ha! I said "Fine" but all I did was lay a blanket down next to everyone else. I sigh softly, trying to release some stress building up from inside of me. It's not that bad but it wasn't that good either. It's not to the point of me transforming but it's not good to stress at all. 

I looked and saw Kuma, Jir, and Tao talking with one another. I would join but I don't want to get in their way in their conversion. 

Well, since I'm here by myself, might as well write down a few notes. I take a small notebook out of my yellow thigh bag and place it on my sheet. I then took out a pen and started to write on the paper.

"Let's see now..." I mutter to myself...

Scrabble! Scrabble!

A few minutes later...

I finish writing down my notes and close the book. I say notes but I just wrote down my feelings into it. 

In all honesty, I don't feel any different from before. I feel the same way as when I was in my cell. At the very least, we managed to get a new life here thanks to H.U.M.A.N.I.T.Y. 

All and all, 

I'm grateful for what we have right now. If only this moment could last forever. Sadly, it won't last forever...

Something must happen and it won't always be peaceful. I sometimes wonder if I can change anything at all. Besides my heart, what is so special about me? I feel like I'm there for being there and not being helpful. 

....No, that can't be true. I must be downplaying myself here. But still, what can I do alone? Curing our true form aside, I don't know how I can fight back without changing myself. And- do I want to change myself?

Well...

Yes but no...

I want to change but I don't HAVE to change. 

Why change when you can improve yourself? I won't lie, I sometimes have conflicts within myself and I'm not talking about the reaper from within me. 

The lack of power does make me feel frustrated. 

The fact that Tao has to keep pushing forward and battle for both of our sakes makes me a bit angry. I know that I have my part to play, and I know that I'm supposed to do my role but still-

It's frustrating to know that I can't truly be by her side. Am I asking for more than I can chew? Maybe. But I can't help it. Nothing makes me angry more than not doing more. I can't help it, it's not enough to keep being positive and not be angry about certain actions. But I can't do anything about that. I know this isn't something I can simply fix. 

I can't be thinking this way, but I can't help it. Sometimes I wish I could just do more than I'm doing right now. It sucks. It does. 

But what can I do? Nothing is what. 

Look at me. I can't help but feel awful when I'm alone. It's one of the reasons why I rather be with Tao than myself. I always be negative about the simplest things. 

Some people depend on their logic but I'm not like that...

What can I do with such knowledge? 

It's why I don't understand most people's common sense. Not to say that I don't understand certain things but it's like I can't understand them as a whole.

I might be called wrong but my actions, but I can't give in. 

It might look wrong to some people- some may say that it's reckless and maybe selfish based on my actions. I don't fully understand them but I can't just change myself like that. If it feels right then I'll do it. It doesn't matter what people say. Even if Tao suggested that it is a "good" thing what if it's not? I can't be certain for sure so I always keep things to myself unless Tao asks me what's wrong. I just don't want to be in the way...

"*Sighs* I'm going to sleep..." I whisper and lay down on my sheet.

 I want to talk to Tao right now...

But I won't.

This conflicting and emotional feeling is stirring me from the inside. And if anyone pushed me I might say something that I would regret. That's why I keep things to myself. I'm self-conscious. I always overthink things. I'm still not over the "conversion" with everyone when I freak out like that when I see the monster's human form. If anything...I wish I never had the Grim Reaper...

If it causes trouble then I should've just been born a normal human...

Or just died a long time ago...

.

..

...

....

.......

...........

"If that happened then Tao would've been sad. I'll just take it and move on..." I whisper to myself.

There I go again...

I wonder why I'm like this. Why am I so emotional?

To Be Continued...