The In Between

Father's Daughter

"I am my father's daughter." Sarcasm rolls off my tongue as i tell another joke from the pit of my loin.
The over sexual jokes and manner in which they are told are one of three key components that I've received from him.
My family brush them off like salt on their shoulders as they continue their conversations.
I sit an think about everything my father's family says i am.

1. Crude
Although they never outright say it, it's the small comments they interject with while i talk.
It's the side eyes and ignoring me as if i was a child.
The inappropriateness of my pain is laughed off by awkward smiles and clutching of coffee mugs as i sit alone in the corner of my mind.
2. Angry
The PTSD and unwillingness to be around family lingers in the iced out air.
You never wanna be home.
You don't love me.
You can never just be.
Home is where the darkness lies.
Behind small corners waiting to pounce.
The rage and overstimulating properties of the day come to surface.
And I once again am left to fight my demons head on while my loved ones screech at me.
3. Immaturity
The grave for my maturity laid full as immaturity held my hand.
The funeral was lovely.
I buried the feelings of my past as tears escaped my face.
How was i to be normal?
The old me laid in the oak casket next to the other things i was praised for.
The circumstances for fate were against me as I hoped throwing roses to who i once was.
I was once so full of life and now it's nothing but hollow laughter.

I am my Father's Daughter..