The In Between

When Life Knocks

When life knocks at your door what form will it consume?
For me it's debt. It's the fear i swallow myself in.
The words i say.
The hate i feel.
It's the unforgiving voice of every decision I've made and will ever make.
The reason I cry.
The pain I feel.
My life has been has been consumed in hate.
I hate myself and, no matter how hard i try i can't seem to forgive.
Because i know I'll do it again.
The fear i hold comes from not having the family i felt i needed in my moment of pain.
Not having money.
Not loving who i am.
Not loving who I've become.
I got off my medicine because, my heart couldn't take it.
My body was still yet my mind was still drowning.
I've grown accustomed to hating the innocence within because, i stripped away mine.
With every thought i grow so uncomfortable with my body, mind, and features.
I just wanna be happy but, my flesh has a stronger hold.
My body the victim of my mind.
My perspective in a cage of tigers being devoured.
My spirit desecrated.
My love destroyed.
I'm damaged goods.

Help me father...

Those words i struggle to speak.
They pierced my soul like the fiery steel of hell.
And I'm stuck in my eternal cell once more.