What is it about life that makes it seem ok to consistently cause drama?I mean really, I just don't get how someone can be so persistent with harassment.Why can't we all just live separately and enjoy life. The tears i cried over the situations they've caused still haunt my brain. My soul is speeding on a cloud of anxiety when they're near. Am i just fated to the reality of doom they've caster over my dwelling? I sit and ponder over every instance they've inflicted over my family and my body winces in pain. My throat hot like melted glass closes in around my words and, i dare not speak.
I dare not sharpen the tongue I've casted out demons with for the sake of sanity. Sanity.. hmph.. such a stupid word and yet, i am unable to grasp it. For years I've teetered on the line of it but never fully committed due to my husbands connection. How I miss the sweet touch of peace. It's like a kiss from God himself. But here we are still in the sink hole of hate and despair his family pulls us in. I resent him.. Well the parts of him he can't control. I only wish he would just cut contact.
Unholy thoughts cross my mind in the depths of night as i lie awake near my beloved groom. Thoughts of suicide and murder. Thoughts of my family and how they would react if i weren't here. Then my daughter.. I could never leave her. I could never be so selfish to take away the mother she needs. Though i know I wouldn't be able to, my heart seems to believe i would miss her so much the pain i would bare would be worse than the pain i inflicted.
I just want to be numb and live freely against the wind.
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The In Between
SachbücherA book comprised of diary entries, personal feelings, and poems.
