The In Between

Childhood

The soft butterflies would dance on the ground around us while we quietly watched, waiting for one to land on us. If one did we were seen as superior fairies and the others would have to acknowledge this outcome. We each had our regal names set aside for the right moment.
Mine was the best. Sir Doodle Flap. The wings had doodles painted perfectly on them. As the butterflies would flap their glorious wings it made them almost shimmer. That's how i got my name. Not to mention I chose sir because i was too little to understand the gender rolls for titles. I thought everyone was a sir in the world of royals.

My sister and cousin on the other hand had generic and (If i might add) Mediocre names. Such as princess flutter shy and princess purple ray. The beautiful array of creatures seemed to float as if we were not there. It was somehow. The most peaceful i had ever been. I watched the Queen choose her ruler out of the three of us. The glorious wings flapped with might as she landed on none other than my sister. The sheer weight of ground breaking disappointment filled my tiny body with absolute rage.

How dare this inferior creature pick the most spoiled freaking brat on the planet! I was right beside her. Waiting...

This wouldn't be the first time things just got handed to her. It seemed like our entire childhood was filled with coddling for her and, chore lists for me. I felt like Cinderella. Always catering to everyone else. Maybe that's the reason i treat my friends the way i do. Because no matter the situation I'm always ready and able to help. My entire life I've felt like a second class citizen. Especially when it came to my grandparents. My cousins were their pride and joys. It's still somewhat like that know. With the thousands of dollars they invested in them throughout our youth with new clothes and shoes and animals.. not to mention the endless yes's they'd supply for wants.

It just never seemed fair. Don't get me wrong, i know my cousins have paved their own way in this world. I just wish we would've had the same grandparents. The intense need to try and win them over has always lingered in the cloud above my head. I've held the title of "Granddaughter with the most need for money" or "Granddaughter that consistently begs for money" since i started working for them back in 6th grade. I figured if they weren't going to give it willingly like they did for my cousins i would work. That was probably the worst idea because, now that's the only relationship they have with me.

No amount of trying is going to make them see me different. I will always be the broke family member, barely surviving, asking for "Hand outs". Their point of views lack empathy and grace anyway. Well with some topics not all.

*If your my family and reading this.. I make no apologies for my perspective or writing because, it's true. I love you all and hope that this doesn't cause issues.