Stucky smut +18 Oneshots

chp 4. Yeah~ {SMUT}

Self harm is included, but not to much

Steve and bucky were arguing, even though they're in a relationship, buckys been acting more down and hasn't given Steve any context on how much pain he's really in, how mentally tired he is. They haven't had an argument in a long time, and now, it was actually happening, after almost a year free without fighting. Bucky stood in the living room with Steve standing about five feet away from him, them both yelling at each other.

Bucky hated it, but it somehow got his stress and anger out when lashing out at someone, but he never wanted to do such a thing to anyone, so he's held it back, especially for Steve. Bucky loved Steve too much to yell at him, but today was different.

"THEN MAKE ME UNDERSTAND!" Steve yelled, anger pooling in him. Bucky never opened up to Steve, and it really was starting to piss him off. He didn't understand why bucky was holding back, or what it was about, he just hoped it wasn't about him, or their relationship. Maybe it was something he said, or did. He really really didn't want it to be. Bucky shook his head, his arms crossed over his chest as he stood there in disbelief.

"STEVE, JUST DROP IT OKAY, JUST STOP, IM FINE OKAY" bucky yelled back at him. They knew that the avengers that were in the tower could hear them, but they both didn't care, this wasn't about them. Bucky felt on fire. He honestly didn't know what was wrong with him, he didn't know, he didn't know why he felt so down, so drained all the time, felt so sad and numb. It's gotten worse over time and he was even worrying himself.

"I CANT JUST DROP THIS WHEN YOU'VE BEEN HIDING AWAY IN YOUR FUCKING MIND FOR A WHILE NOW" Steve yelled a little louder. Bucky felt like he could rip Steve's damn wind pipe out, punch him so hard that he'll go flying back and into the wall. Yeah that's what anger was like though right, feeling like you wanted to grab someone's head and repeatedly slam their head onto the concrete.

Bucky balled his fist up and looking up at the ceiling feeling like he wanted to just die now. "STEVE, Your making a big big deal over my fucking moods. well FUCKING WAHH, BOO HOO TO FUCKING STEVE. IM SORRY THAT YOU CANT JUST MAN THE FUCK UP AND MAYBE ASK ME HOW IM DOING WITHOUT CREATING A GOD DAMN ARGUMENT" Bucky yelled loudly. Steve could really get under bucky's skin.

Even though bucky did love Steve, hell, he would jump in front of a bullet for him, but in moments like these, he would let the bullet pass through him. Well, not really, that's just how he felt. Steve huffed loudly, squeezing his eyes shut for just a second then opening them in frustration. "BUCKY, ITS BECAUSE YOU WONT TALK TO ME, YOU WONT TELL ME HOW YOUR DOING, OR IF YOU IN PAIN, YOU SIMPLY DONT. YOUR MESSED UP AND I WANT TO HELP YOU AND YOU WON'T FUCKING LET ME" Steve yelled.

Bucky was in shock at first, like a bullet passed through his heart stopping all the blood that goes through his veins, but after just a moment, the blood came rushing through him tenfold and he couldn't help but be like a stick that was on the ground, picking it up and snapping it in half, that's how quick bucky acted, and man, he even surprised himself. "YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH OF A FUCKING PRICK YOU SOUND RIGHT NOW. YOUR A FUCKING DICK. YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU FUCKING CAUGHT ME STEVE, YOU'RE JUST SO FUCKING SMART AIN'T YOU. I AM MESSED UP, I AM!! I WAKE UP EVERY GOD DAMN DAY WISHING I WAS DEAD" Bucky yelled louder than Steve has and went up to Steve.

He went face to face with him. 'IM FUCKING MISERABLE, IM IN PAIN. I HATE MYSELF, I FUCKING HATE MYSELF, THE WAY I LOOK, SPEAK, WALK LIKE A GOD DAMN SOLDIER. THE WAY I CANT STAND THE LOOK OF MY ARM. THE WAY I WAKE UP EVERY GODDAMN DAY AND WISH I WAS SOMEONE DIFFERENT. I WAKE UP WANTING TO CUT MYSELF BUT I DONT BECAUSE OF YOU!!' bucky hit his pointer finger on Steve's chest. "YOU ARE THE ONE KEEPING ME ALIVE. IF YOU WEREN'T HERE, OR THAT YOU NEVER FOUND ME, I WOULD HAVE CIT MY WRIST OPEN UNTIL I BLEED OUT TO DEATH. I AM MESSED UP' Bucky stepped back and raised his hands In there air and laughed loudly. 'IM SO FUCKED UP THAT EVEN A MENTAL HOSPITAL OR A FUCKING ASYLUM WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO HANDLE ME, THEY WOULD KILL ME IN AN INSTANT IF I STEPPED A GODDAMN FOOT INTO AN ASYLUM'