Stucky smut +18 Oneshots

CHP 16. Help me. part 1 {Sadness}

(Self harm warning. Smut will be in next chapter)

Bucky stared down at the ground, the only thing being heard was the sound of his ears slightly ringing as he sat down on his cell bed, his mind roaming with the voice of Steve. Even his name made bucky cringe, cringe out of the simple fact that he actually tried to kill him. To kill his best friend. The only thing bucky had left in his life. It made a sick feeling rise in his stomach. He hated thinking about how many times he punched Steve on that helicarrier.

The thoughts, the feelings he felt at that moment when everything came back to him was unexplainable. It was like a train of memories consumed his brain. He didn't understand what it was. He's never had this problem before, but now, now he's watching memories flash across his vision each day and it's hurting him. He blinks his dry eyes, looking up slowly in front of him at the wall in front of him. As he looks at the wall, he looks at the shattered mirror next to his bed.

He still remembers punching it so hard because he couldn't stand the memories floating in his brain. It just became too much when he came back from his failed mission. He looked down at the ground below the mirror, staring at the glass that laid on the ground. He did this occasionally, just staring at them, thinking that maybe he should just do it, but he always stops himself. He sighs loudly shaking his head to himself.

He was so fucked up. So messed up in the head. He knew it was HYDRA'S fault, but he couldn't escape this place. Never. The glass on the floor and Steve were dancing in his head. It was making him frustrated. He hasn't felt like this ever, and ever since he pulled Steve out of that river, he couldn't help but not think about him. He always feels empty and numb, so instantly switching to feeling a tone of emotions at once was a lot.

He grumbled loudly and bent down, grabbing a shard of glass and clenching his jaw. He stared at the glass in his hand, flipping it in between his fingers with skill. Bucky closes his eyes for a brief second, then opens them. He thinks deeply about all of the pain and suffering he's had to go through for the past week and a half. Even though he got his memory wiped again, he still remembers Steve. He knows that Steve must really be a big part of his life if he still remembers him.

He looked at his flesh arm and held the glass to it, and out of nowhere, without thinking about what he was doing to himself, he cut himself. He looked away as he did it, but kept repeatedly cutting his arm over and over. The pain was worse than he thought it was going to be, but he tried not to think about it and thought about reliving the pain, and that's what he was doing. He kept hissing as he kept going. He did this for about a minute straight.

His hands shook as he dropped the glass on the ground, his heart beat racing. He looked down at his arm and almost wanted to throw up. His arm was basically just meat ripped open, and he couldn't believe what he was looking at. The blood was running out of his arms like crazy, and for a moment he wasn't going to do anything, just thinking that if he died it didn't matter. But as he stared at his arm, he remembered Steve.

His heart dropped and grabbed a shirt from his dirty like of clothes and wrapped his arm in it. He was becoming light headed, and it scared him. He couldn't leave Steve. Steve needed him, and he needed him. They both needed each other.

{Steve pov}

"Sam, go to the left. Make sure to keep an eye out for Buck" Steve says. Sam nods and does as told, walking down the hallway. Steve went down the hallway to his right and held up his shield, ready to fight anyone that would get in his way. Steve couldn't help but search for bucky after everything that has happened over the week.

He's been thinking about him so much that he couldn't hardly get sleep at night. Sam would check on him sometimes to make sure he was sleeping, but he never was. Sam would try to make him sleep, but Steve always tried to tell him that he couldn't, and that it was just stressful to know that Bucky was still alive. Sam understood and knew that he couldn't make a super soldier sleep, so he always just told Steve gently before he went to bed "just try to sleep as best as you can man. Goodnight" and Sam would leave the room.