Four years later || CL16

16

Kalani used to dream of a life travelling the world and moving to another country to call home, since her home country had been tarnished from her Mothers tragic choices and a runaway Father.

Never knowing her fate, she knew she wanted to create, create something.

Be something.

Be good. Because my god she needed goodness in her life to suppress the upbringing she had experienced.

As a kid she used to daydream for hours about what it would be like to become an adult to have freedom.
Whilst cradling herself hearing her Mother shout and fight against Stepdad number "I've lost count".

Kalani never knew the amount of new men that had entered her life so fast, she barely remembered the names and by the time she did, they'd be gone and the next one had arrived.

Her Mother was a troubled woman who had no sense on how to a raise a child, Kalani was a victim of neglect and fear sunk into her body, drowning her organs.

Her Mother was arguing for nothing to gain nothing, all at Kalani's expense. She was a victim of abuse, and that abuse caused Kalani to never feel like home with her Mother.

Kalani turned sixteen, blowing out her single candle on her pathetic cake, she got herself from the local shop. Turning her head to see her Mother passed out on the sofa, with empty bottles on the table.

A single tear dropped from Kalani's eye.

She had to get out.

She had too.

She was drowning.

Buying a one way ticket with all of the pennies she could find for a bus from Florence to Pisa, an hour and a half bus journey.

Arriving to Pisa, to find her Grandparents who knew as soon as she arrived on their doorstep, explaining her plan.

Get out of Italy.

Far away from her Mother.

To breathe.

Move to London.

Her grandparents supplied her with all of the money she'd need to get from Italy to London, her one way plane ticket.

Her plan to move in with her friend Phoebe and her parents who moved there from Italy, last year. To gain independence, to start again.
To runaway for her own good.

**

They say a bad parent was a traumatised child, caught in the fires of their own suffering, their mindset being a hurricane rather than poetry.
Kalani saw that as she started her healing journey in London, after two years when she was eighteen she returned to Italy to visit her Grandparents after allowing herself to go on a couple trips to France and visiting Belgium on the euro tunnel.

She didn't feel okay, she felt light headed and queasy.

She spontaneously bought a pregnancy test, just after arriving in Pisa with the suspicions lacing on her mind of her night in Monaco a month before.

Her palms sweating and her heart feeling heavy, as it was about to fail on itself. Sitting crying on the bathroom floor, refusing to look at what it had to say.

Pregnant.

"I'm pregnant?"

Positive.

Buy another test.

Its a false positive.

After five long hours of crying, after her fifth test, which was the fifth positive she saw in front of her. Crying on her grandparents spare bed, knowing she was going to become a mother.

She didn't know how to be a good mother, how do you be good at something you were never taught or experienced it for yourself?

After a day, Kalani woke up to shouting snd screaming as she listened to her mother shout at her own.

"She's fucking pregnant?! Living in England sure is a good thing for her! My god irresponsible brat!"

She started to cry, she creeped out of the bedroom her Grandmother seeing her first and signaling her no.

Her Mother turning around to face her.

Disgust written all over her face.

"You disgust me" She spat out and Kalani stood there with tears in her eyes, the walls closing in on her as her mother insulted her constantly.

She didn't hear half of it after shutting her mind off, her Grandmother trying to reach for her hand as her Grandfather entered the room.

Her Mother quickly cut them off.

"You and me we're done"

Kalani took a breath, she couldn't believe what she was hearing.

You're telling me we're done?

Rage filled her.

"We're done?" She quietly spoke

"Kalani" Her grandmother stepped in.

"No! She has to hear this, she has no right to attack me"

Kalani's mother scoffed.

"Please, you're a little whor-"

She immediately cut her off.
"We were done the second you left me alone at night, we were done the second you bought a different man home expecting them to be my stepfather. We were done the second you neglected me for alcohol. You aren't my Mother, you NEVER raised me! I did! I took care of me! And the second I had the courage to leave I did! And if I have to raise this baby without any support then trust me I will do it, because that was my whole life. NO SUPPORT from you! Ever!"

Fire.

All the built up rage and emotion she had bottled up across her whole childhood, was spilling and it was spilling rapidly.

"I bet you don't even know who the Father is"

That was it. The last straw. She'd done it, she never had a daughter but my god she would never have a friendship from Kalani.

She blinked away an inflamed tear and slapped the wall next to her, her eyes quickly looked to the floor as she shook her head.

"You can't talk, do you even know my Father...?"

"Kalani" Her Grandmother warned gently grabbing her arm but Kalani shook her off.

"No! She needs to hear this"

She turned to look back at her Mother who stood silent.

"Stop deflecting your own shitty decisions on me! My child will have a loving mother and my god I will never allow them to go through what I did as a kid" She breathed rapidly as rage consumed her soul.

"You have no right to judge me! The hell are you to me to do that?"

No response.

She scoffed as she blinked away her tears, turning to her grandparents.

"I'll call you when I land home" She whispered

And with that she left.

They'd cut each other off, cutting the puppet strings Kalani had been clung to her whole life.

She was done.

**

hi.

sorry about my absence I had/have a lot of just life stuff going on. I cant promise on scheduled updates.

much love, more than ever.