Toxic | Levi Ackerman

Chapter 21

"Have you started playing on your guitar again?"

Levi thinks to himself. He hasn't even thought about it. It took him all he had to even go into that room. But now he doesn't know if he'll ever go back in.

"No."

"Why not? You should. I want to see you play." Y/n says. Levi came back from work a while ago and he's laying down on Y/n. His head resting on her lap. They're having trouble going to sleep.

He sighs.

"I don't know. I don't think I can." He manages to say. Getting up from her lap, he sits straight.

"What do you mean? Of course you can? Cmon, play something." Y/n gets up from the bed and holds her hand out to Levi.

He stares at her hand. He really doesn't want to go over that again. But Y/n will be with him this time, will it hurt more or would it make him feel better?

Exhaling deeply, he grabs her hand and Y/n leads them to the room. Opening it, she sees his set up in the far left corner of the room. In the right corner, being his guitars.

Levi feels the same as last time he was in this room. He feels empty. He might be with Y/n now, but Petra has taken a great part of his life. Being his only friend and then his first girlfriend. The only one who saw the good in him and not just some broke depressed kid.

"Go on. Play something." She crosses her arms, waiting for Levi to begin.

He grabs his Les Paul cautiously. He puts it on his lap and sits down on his stool.

Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry

Is all he can repeat in his head. As much as he's trying to not cry, he starts seeing blurry.

He tries setting up everything he needs to play. Once he's done, his hands are back on his guitar. Looking down at it, all he can think about and remember is how Petra would hold it and how he would teach her.

—

"Okay put this finger here and this other one here." Levi says. Petra is currently in his room learning how to play the guitar, in Levi's arms.

"Like this?" She asks him.

"Yes. Now play that."

-music-

"Ahaha. You did it!" He says happily. He's always wanted a guitar and for him to be teaching his girlfriend how to play, makes him so happy. He would've never thought he would have someone to show this to. To be able to teach them out of love.

"Yayy!! I love you so much!" She grabs him by his neck and pecks kisses all around his face. Levi takes them and enjoys the moment.

—

He feels his tears coming out. Dropping onto the guitar. The grip on his guitar getting tighter and tighter.

As all his memories start circling around his head, he forgets where he is for a moment. Feeling his body swirl with guilt. With regret. With remorse. With envy.

It takes everything in him not to smash his guitars on the floor. Never playing again. No matter how it has saved him. No matter how happy it has made him. In this moment, nothing matters compared to how terrible it makes him feel.

But he has someone watching him. Someone who's came into his life and made him feel like maybe he should give love a second chance. That maybe falling in love in the first place wasn't where he went wrong.

"It's okay. It's gonna be okay. I'm here." Y/n wraps her arms around Levi. She kisses the top of his head.

Levi's tears calm down. He doesn't feel as terrible anymore. He hugs Y/n's waist and brings her close to him.