The Only Exception

Seven

~Lainey~

"Sure you don't want any? You haven't eaten much." I lifted my head, locking eyes with Spencer at the other end of the sofa as he opened up a pizza box. I didn't need my app to know I hadn't moved enough today to even out the calorie intake just one slice of that thing would add to my intake. I can't even remember the last time I had takeout food, let alone pizza. 

"I've eaten plenty." He rolled his eyes when I repeated the same answer I've been giving him for 3 weeks. My eating habits were not up for discussion, so I just went back to painting my nails, enjoying the peace and quiet of just having the TV running in the background. 

Less than 8 hours ago I watched Hudson's heart snap into a million little pieces, laughing at him whilst it did with the rest of our friend group. I just hope it was enough to shake up the way he treats women. That him getting a taste of his own medicine is what it takes for him to realise he can't treat people like passing fads without there being consequences. Whilst the guy totally deserved it, I couldn't help but feel a little bad every time I did shit like this. There's something about watching the realisation hitting someone that they weren't as important to you as you were to them that destroys you a little bit inside and I'm starting to fear if I keep it up there's going to be nothing left. 

"It's your birthday coming up soon right?" 

"Mhm." I didn't bother looking up, just shifted in my spot. Unfortunately for me, I was getting a little used to having Spencer around the house constantly. It's not even like I see him that often. He kind of appears whilst I'm eating breakfast and disappears just before I leave for class or whatever I have going on during the day. He's usually here, sat in that spot when I get home. 

He asks me about my day and just keeps asking specific questions. How was your day? Fine. Didn't you get that paper back today? Yep. How'd that go? Fine. Repeat for everything I've told him. Dance class, Chelsea, shopping. I can give him the shortest possible answers but he'll carry the conversation like he wants to be informed but I now for a fact he's just trying to get information. Looking for something to invade my privacy over. 

"You know there are more words in the dictionary outside of mhm right?" 

"Yep." 

"Fine. What are you plans?" 

"Don't know. Chelsea's planning something." 

"And you haven't asked her what they are?" Yes. I know what they are. And they don't include you sticking your nose in. 

"Nope. Defeats the point of a surprise." I looked closer at my nails, making sure I hadn't flooded my cuticles. 

"Well what do you normally do? When your dad's home." I almost laughed but it came out a sound that was stuck in the middle of my chest. "What?" 

"Where's my dad right now?" 

"New York?" 

"Mhm. Last year it was Hong Kong. Year before that, Paris and London. He was in Sydney the year before that. Then Hong Kong. And that was when I started keeping track." 

"So you're dad has missed your birthdays since you were 18?" 

"How old was I when you left?" He chewed on the food in his mouth, wiping his hands on his faded dark blue jeans. 

"I dunno. 16?" 

"It had to have been just before my 16th birthday. Because that's when Noah stopped coming home too. Can't blame them though. Doesn't make sense to come back for something they couldn't even remember." 

"Wait. What?" 

"My birthday was yesterday." I shrugged, blowing air over my nails to help them dry. Spencer was frozen in his spot like this was brand new news. I'd always put dad and Noah forgetting down to them being busy but by the sounds of it, they forget I even have birthdays because they didn't even tell Spencer when it was so he knew. "Sorry. I thought you'd have known that." 

"Why are you apologizing to me? You're the one who had her birthday pass by without anyone knowing about it." 

"Don't worry about it. It's nothing I'm not used to."

"Why didn't you say something? We could have-" I sighed, letting my head fall back on my shoulders. Today had been too long, too exhausting to have him doing this right now. I just wanted the peace and quiet and no fucking mention of anything. 

"Because it doesn't matter. It's just a birthday. Not like it's Christmas or something import-" 

"Nothing important? Lainey, it's your birthday. That's not something that your family should just fucking forget about. Busy or not." 

"You forgot." He looked up from his phone where he was obviously texting Noah. All it would result in is an obligatory call and him sending flowers. Tomorrow afternoon. Just watch. 2 bouquets will be sat in this house. Dad will send his PA to buy something expensive I'll never actually use and I'll drop him a thank you text like he put the effort in. "How easy was it for you to forget when you left?" 

"That's different." 

"Is it really though? You were Noah's friend before I was even born. You were at every party, tried to push my face into every cake. When you're busy like they are, like you clearly have been the past few years. A birthday doesn't matter. It doesn't register on your radar. It's nothing. Just leave it."

"I can't ju-" 

"I said leave it Spencer." My voice came out a lot harsher than I'd intended it to, cutting him off so he was left just staring at me. I kicked the blanket off my legs, grabbing my water bottle carefully and standing up. "I've got a paper to finish." 

"Lanes- wait-" I just left. Closing my bedroom door quietly, looking around the open space and letting out a quiet sigh before sitting down at my desk, pulling the drawer open and staring at the pink envelope that was in the post box when I checked it yesterday morning. I didn't need to open it to know who it was from. Didn't need to open it for the guilt inside to leak out and stain my hands.  

One of these years I was going to open it. I would open them all one by one. 16th birthday. Christmas. Easter. 17th birthday. Christmas. Letter. One at a time. I'd sit and I'd open them and I'd have been putting it off for so long I won't feel it effect me. Either that or I'll burn them all and never give the words inside a chance to see the light of day. She didn't deserve to know I'd opened them. She didn't deserve to be living in my head rent free. 

I stood up carefully, walking into my closet and pulling the box out of it's hiding spot at the very back, slipping the newest addition to my collection into the pile, putting the shoe box back in it's spot before letting out a breath and going back to my desk, grabbing my laptop and doing any kind of work to occupy my mind until it all passed.