The Only Exception

Twenty Five

~Lainey~

I can't say yesterday went to plan. It was supposed to be the perfect day and I knew Spence had plans for us to leave the country somewhere. He wasn't exactly sneaky on finding out where my passport was and asking if I knew if it was in date. Nor had he been sneaky in asking Chels for help in ordering me a full holiday wardrobe because the deliveries had been coming under her name and she's terrible at keeping secrets when asked about them. 

However life loves to fuck me over. So with the appearance of my mother and confirmation that it was her giving Andrew his directions followed immediately by Noah showing up and trying to pummel Spence into the wall, I think we can officially write it down as the worst graduation day in history. 

Noah had stayed the night. We'd sat down for hours and I'd had to keep glaring at him when Spencer touched me but I think by the time I called it a night and Spence followed me up, he was somewhat aware I wasn't going to allow him to fuck this up for me. My relationship with Spencer isn't up for debate. 

"Are you making pancakes?" The stool scratched across the tiled kitchen floor, Noah dropping himself into the spot. I tipped my head over my shoulder for just a second. He's still sleepy eyed like he's just woken up and dragged himself down here immediately. I flipped the pancakes over, grabbing him a mug and sticking it under the coffee machine, kick starting it the very same way I do for Spence. 

"Sure am." 

"6 months ago you wouldn't even eat a flapjack at Christmas." 

"Yeah well, things change. As it turns out I wasn't eating right so we've had to make some changes." I slid him the cup and went back to the pancakes. "Saturday is pancake day." He hummed in agreement, slurping from the cup and making me instantly want to trade it out for a sippy cup to stop the noise. 

It's weird having him around. It has been for years. You get so used to not having someone there that when they come back into your life your body doesn't know how to respond. Especially when your feelings are so mixed about them. I love Noah. He's my big brother and everything else aside, I know he loves me too. I don't expect to be number one on his list of priorities. I never did expect that. But I feel like his trash can see him more than I do. The whole caveman experience last night didn't exactly sweeten my feelings towards him either. I'm trying to not be mad at him just because I know his reasonings for getting so worked up. 

"Heard you laughing last night after you two went to bed." I slipped the first plate of pancakes at him, catching his eyes for just a second before leaning opposite him with my own plate and digging in. "I haven't heard you laughing like that in years."  

"I haven't had a reason to laugh as hard as I do with him in years." He kind of looked at me as if that was brand new news but he wasn't surprised. Just looked at me. "Say whatever it is you want to say Noah." 

"I just don't get why you didn't say anything. We checked in almost every day and not once in all that time did you even hint that somethign was wrong." 

"Would you have come home?" The question catches him off guard. "Would it have made any difference at all? Or would I have fucked up your job and made things more difficult? Considering I was already blaming myself for the divorce and for Spence leaving the first time around and you moving across the country and you never coming home. Why would I make you and dad think anything was less than perfect and potentially make you drop what you're doing.  It was, is, easier for me to tell you both and everyone that everything is fine and not have anyone going out of their way to change things for me. I've caused enough hassle for a life time. Spencer was the first person to realize almost instantly that something wasn't quite right. Just because he looked a little harder than everyone else did." 

"The divorce wasn't your fault Lanes." 

"I know it wasn't Noah. But that doesn't mean the doubt isn't already firmly burried in my head. I'm working on trying to get rid of it but it's been there for so long and that doesn't just go away. None of this does. You guys both left almost immediately after and from 16 year old me's perspective, you blamed me and didn't want to be around me. Whether that was the truth or not. The timing just lined up perfectly." Noah climbed out of his seat, rounding the counter in one swift move just to give me a tight hug. 

"It's not your fault Lainey. We don't blame you for it." His arms held me tighter as I took in a shaky breath. "I promise. None of this is your fault. It never was, never will be. Whatever she tries to pin on you, it isn't yours. She's the one fucking up. She's the one making the decisions. She caused it all. Okay?" He pulled back just to look at my face which, no surprise here, was crying. He half rolled his eyes, pulling at the sleeves of the same jumper he was wearing last night and wiping my cheeks dry. "I'm sorry we left you with all this Lanes. There isn't an excuse to give you and we need to work out how to be better at it. I don't like you thinking you're handling all of this alone." 

"She isn't. She's got me." Spence leaned up against the wall behind Noah. Hair still wet from his shower. 

"And me." Noah scowled slightly. 

"Yeah, when you decide to come home." 

"I don't need to be here-" 

"Okay. This is getting out of hand. You two need to work out how you're handling this," I pushed out of Noah's arms, sweet moment officially ruined by what had quickly become a sore point in Noah and Spencer's friendship. Spencer had been pissed off with Noah since my birthday and I think now Noah was actually in front of him rather than over a phone call in the midst of chaos Spencer was able to vent everything he'd been bottling up. I wasn't about to tell him to stop, they both just needed to find a way to get this out without them ending up broken and bruised. I smirked, causing them both to look at each other then me, a little scared about my mind. "Eat up boys. I've got some calls to make."