The Only Exception

Seventeen

~Lainey~

This was not good. Not good. Not good at all. 

I was playing with fire right now and every second I was laying here in his arms, sun beaming through the windows, was a second closer to total disaster. 

I've made a lot of dumb decisions. That's not something I can deny. I've slept with people I really really shouldn't have but this? Spencer? This takes the absolute biscuit. Sure, it felt good. So fucking good but the aftermath? 

How do I even deal with this? It's not like I can kick him out and never see the guy again. Can't ghost him. Can't forget he exists. I can't just write him down in the history books and let that be that. No. This is Noah's best friend and if it's going to be anything like it was when we were kids, wherever Noah was going to be, Spencer would be too. Christmas? When he comes home? Chances are Spencer will be her too. I will never be able to rid myself of Spencer like I can rid myself of everyone else I've been with like this and that- no. No it's not good at all. 

I roll my lips together, first pulling my legs out from being wrapped around his then, so slowly I'm not sure I was actually moving, I pulled myself out of the bed. I needed to get out of here. Put some space between us. Hopefully he realizes how much of a mistake this is and we never, ever speak of it again. 

"Why are you always slipping out whilst I'm asleep?" His voice croaks as I pull the bedroom door open, my clothes in hand but still completely naked and now completely frozen. I was steps away from not needing to discuss it. 3 more and I'd have had the door closed and I could have avoided him until either he moves out or I'm dead. Whichever comes first. 

"Go back to sleep. I was never in here." I swallow, reach for the door knob but Spencer wraps his hand around mine to stop me. It's not a demanding move like he had been last night. He's not rough with it. It's soft and gentle and it makes those damn butterflies escape their cage and there's a little me in there with a net trying to grab and suffocate them all. I don't know why they've suddenly appeared with Spencer but I don't like it. Not one bit. 

"Come back to bed, Sunshine." He presses soft kisses into the crook of my neck, immediately turning me into a pile of jelly. My eyes flutter closed and Spence pulls my hand off the door, keeping his hand over the top of mine as he moves his fingers between mine, wrapping the arm around me. How can something this wrong feel so fucking right?

Every one of my curves fits so perfectly against him. He's the perfect height to bow his head into me without it being too much. His lips cause my nervous system to spark with so much energy and yet he's completely calming to be around. I feel both completely safe in his hands and yet I'm terrified more than I've ever been in my entire life because this- I don't know why it's like this. I don't know why I'm not confident about my decisions. Why I'm not finding leaving him a little bit funny. It's not normal. 

"I can't." He kisses me again and I have to make it stop. I have to make it stop and I have to go- somewhere. Literally anywhere that Spencer isn't. I try to get his hand off mine but he tightens his grip on me. "I need to go. Let me go." 

"No." He starts moving backwards and I simply don't have the strength or willpower to break free from his grasp. He stops, takes the clothes out of my hands and drops them back to the floor before pulling us both back under the bed sheets dragging me so I'm laid slightly on top and forced to look at him. 

Spencer uses his finger tips to trace my back, hair standing on end along the path, goosebumps following quickly behind. This isn't fair. Forcing me to lay here. To look at the mess I'm making in my life and giving me no choice but to stare at it  head on.