The Only Exception

Twelve

~Spencer~

"You want me to-" 

"To break shit." I nodded, pulling the safety helmet down her head.  Even when only her eyes visible, I could see the built up range of emotions she had stuck in her. I'd planned for us to go to laser tag because she'd loved winning that when we were kids. But after seeing her last night and thinking then overthinking, I'd ticked it down to something fucking up her life so badly she no longer wanted everything twisted together. She wanted her personal life, home life and inevitably work life all separated out. 

Her birthday, hiding her music and where she was going, being so incessant on trying to keep me out of it. Something wasn't right and I had to find a way to ease that for her somehow. 

Lainey looked around the room as I pulled my own helmet on. She had been too quiet this morning after the argument in the car. I felt like I needed a degree to study her. My job required me to be in people's heads. To know what they were thinking before they were thinking it so I could be a few steps ahead. It isn't usually this hard but I was getting there slowly. 

Lainey had been alone for the better part of 6 years. No one to care about her birthdays, no one to help her when she's having a shit time, no one to help her when she's sick. No one to care about her in any way other than superficial and she held a lot of anger about that. That's most likely why she get's so defensive so quickly. Why every time she can, she brings up me being gone for 6 years and how I didn't care then so I can't care now. Which is false. I never stopped caring. It's never that simple. There's a lot behind the scenes that she doesn't know about which is for the best. Her not knowing keeps her in a safe position. 

I grabbed a metal baseball bat from the floor, tossing it up slightly before wrapping my hand tightly around the handle and taking an intense swing at the melon that had been put onto the wooden table. It flew across the room, slamming into the wall and breaking into a tonne of pieces, seeds and juice sliding down the white washed walls slowly. I turned to Lainey, her eyes bouncing between me, the wall and the now mess on the floor. 

"Anything in this room." I tossed the bat in the air, grabbing the widen edge so the handle was out towards her. "Except me." 

"Damn." A quick smile broke at my lips and she psyched herself up, taking the bat from my hands and I took a few good steps back so I was out of her way. She looked around nervously, didn't really move or do anything for what felt like a lifetime. Even with her back turned to me, I could see her brain ticking like it never seemed to stop doing. 

Her shoulders lifted and dropped before hesitantly lifting the bat, hitting an orange across the room. It bounced across the floor and she looked back at me. I don't know what exactly she was expecting me to say but I could see the hurt in her eyes. I pushed myself up, walking over to the piece of fruit and putting it back on the table. 

I kept my movements slow, not wanting to piss off the girl with a metal bat in her hands, moved around to stand behind her. I tugged on her hips, pulling her back a little so she could get a good swing on it. 

"I don't want to be the one to make you angry Sunshine." Her body heaved against mine with one single breath. "So just think about one thing you're frustrated with right now. One thing that makes you so angry you can feel it in your lungs and put all of that power into your arms. All of it. Every single thing in this room is yours to use as you need to get this out. You don't want to talk about it all? Fine. But you're not keeping it locked up." I took one step back, my fingertips trailing up her arms to her shoulders where I squeezed once and let go. 

She took a few seconds to think. You could see when she had it. Her entire body tensed, breathing becoming heavy and labored. She took a swing, sending it flying across the room, splattering against the wall. 

Lainey froze for a second before seeming to get more comfortable, she looked around the room and walked over, moving things around so she could get to what she wanted to, letting the anger out in a destructive way that wasn't angled at herself for once.  

I've spent 3 weeks watching her barely eat, inspect herself in mirrors and phone cameras. I've heard her ask Chelsea over and over again if she looked okay. I've seen the hurt in her face when I mention her brother or dad or anything about her family or life before I left. 

By the time she'd completely destroyed the room, I'd only caught glimpses of her face. It wasn't until she pulled the helmet off at the end with my help that I could see just how badly she'd needed this. 

Mascara streams stained her cheeks, eyes bloodshot with droplets still clinging to her damp eyelashes. I dropped the helmets to the floor, wrapping my arms around her tight until she let the cries turn vocal. Her legs gave way and I lowered us to the floor slowly before mine did the same. This was what she had locked up. 

6 years of hurt and anger and trying to work out life as an adult completely alone. 

Her sobs ripped through me, tearing me apart in places I didn't know she'd be able to reach. There wasn't much more I could do right now except hold her through it and let her let it out. 

I burried my hands into the hair at the back of her head, cradling her tightly as my fingertips moved in small, calming circles. 

"I've got you Sunshine. I've got you and I'm not letting go. You're not alone now okay? I'm right here. You're not doing it alone."