Final Masquerade (THG fanfiction)

Chapter 6

I gasped at the TV. After it had turned black for a few seconds, it showed a video of Cato and me kissing. How the hell were they able to record us? We had jumped apart the moment we saw - well heard - them.
I expected another gasp from Cato behind me but it didn't came. Surprised I turned around. Cato stood right next to the door and looked at the TV with a face expression that I couldn't read.

"As we see our two victors have finally found to each other. Or was it from the end of the Games a real relationship?  Their love was destiny -"

Caesar Flickerman commented the video and seemed to love the fact that we were caught kissing. But I didn't.
This moment was mine and now they stole it. Showed it on national TV. Everybody in Panem was seeing this right now. Going home now without being questioned would be impossible now. And I already knew that Gale would give me his "What-did-you-do?!"-speech.

I looked at Cato again who's eyes were still attached to the TV. Just when I wanted to ask what we should do now I saw him glancing at Haymitch who put his thumb up.
Their secret again... But this time I felt that this secret was something about me. Something I shouldn't know. And as it was on the TV right now, it could only be the kiss. But how was Haymitch involved in this?

"We'll be arriving in district 2 in five minutes", a mechanical voice said.

I looked down at my nails. What did Haymitch and Cato plan? What did they know? Did they - no it couldn't be that! Everything had felt real, nobody could fake it. They couldn't have planned the kiss.

I felt their stares on me and lifted my head. Cato gave me a questioningly look which I threw right back at him. When he immediately broke the eye contact I knew it. They did plan it.

Maybe I shouldn't fall for somebody that quickly. Then it wouldn't hurt now.
I had always known that I wasn't good enough but being in an official fake relationship hurt damn much.
They could have told me at least. I bet Haymitch knew that I'd fall for Cato. But he didn't warn me. He didn't care.

My eyes filled with tears. 'No, Katniss!', I told myself. 'You're strong! They don't need right know that you're hurt.' I tried holding my tears back but they threatened to spill. I needed to get out of here. Now.

Slowly I made my way to the door. Just a few metres, then through the hallway and I'd be in my room.
My hand grabbed the handle and pushed the door open. One step and I was out of the room.

"Katniss, wait!"

Of course. I knew he would call me now. But I didn't want to talk to him so I quickly stepped out of the room and ran down the hallway. I pushed my door open and locked it behind me. Then I sat down with my back against the door.
'Well done, Katniss' I thought. What were they thinking of me now? I'm just a 16 year old girl who won the Games. Nobody should think anything about me.

Somebody knocked at the door. Without hearing his voice I knew it was Cato.

"Please open the door. We'll be in 2 any minute."

I wanted to open the door, I wanted to hug him, I wanted to hear him telling me that everything was okay. But that wouldn't be true.
The first tear escaped my eye and made its way down my cheek. Now I couldn't hold them back anymore. They all spilled over my cheeks.

"Let me talk to you! Come on, let me in."

I tried to cry silently. Nobody should know that I was hurt. I was Katniss, I was strong.
The train stopped suddenly and my head crashed against the door. But the pain in my heart was stronger. I felt powerless, I just wanted to cry and sleep. I didn't wanna move, I didn't wanna talk.
Why was this affecting me so much? Why couldn't I accept the truth and be "just friends" with Cato.

"Look Katniss, I have to go now. I wish you'd talk to me but it's fine. I know why you're in there. You should talk to Haymitch."

I heard another person or two coming, then some murmuring.

"He knows more than we two together."

His voice seemed to run away, I didn't understand all of his words although he screamed them.

"Katniss ... see ... soon ... promise"

Then he was gone. The person who I gave my heart without realising it until now.
Slowly I wiped some tears away and crawled towards the window.
It was dark outside, the rain poured down. I leaned my head against the cold glass. The weather symbolized my feelings. It felt like at least somebody or something understood me.

I saw two people around ten metres away from me. It had to be Cato and maybe his sister. In comparison to Cato, she was a lot smaller. Even smaller than I was. He hugged her, holding her as close as he could. She was the only person in district 2 who didn't hate him.

Everything became blurred when new tears started to form in my eyes and decided to let me break down again. I had no energy left to fight against them. Again I was lost in them, I couldn't stop them.
My sight disappeared but the pain got worse. I let myself sink onto my bed and buried my head into the pillow.

Why did this happen? Why now? Wasn't winning the Games enough? Why did I deserve more pain?
All these questions without answers flew through my head, making me feel worse. I hated it.

After what seemed like an eternity, I could think close to normal again and stopped crying. I hadn't realised that the train started moving again. The rain streamed down the window. I had the urge to feel cold water on my skin so I went into the bathroom.
First I just wanted to sprinkle water on my face but then I got into the shower, still fully dressed. I pressed the 'cold' button and turned the shower on.
Ice cold water hit my skin. I closed my eyes and relaxed. In less than a minute all my clothes were soaked but I didn't care. Surprisingly I didn't feel the coldness. I just felt the water making me feel better. After a while I sat down, letting the cold water drum on me like rain.
My top and my trousers stuck to my skin, my hair was all over my face, I was tired because I cried so much but I never felt more alive than now and I doubt that I would ever feel like this again.
I was the girl on fire. But only water could erase the pain that clinched my heart and ripped it apart. Only water made me feel happy. But I realised it too late.

I was the fire and Cato was my water.

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I'm so so sorry that you had to wait so long for an update but I had a lot if stuff going on in school and I'm still in the exam weeks but next week will be my last! That means I will then update more often :)

Anyways I'm also sorry that this chapter is shorter than the others, apparently a lot shorter buuuut I wrote it all today bc you deserve an update and this chapter was really difficult to write for me bc I'm not good in describing negative feelings.

Thanks for reading! Ily ❤