Glowing - A Caspar Lee Fan Fiction [ON HOLD]

Chapter 6

I bolt up in my bed, awaken by a shriek and covered in cold sweat.  I could feel my heart beating a mile a minute inside my chest and take deep breathes, trying to calm myself down.

What was that all about? I think to myself.

I hadn’t had a nightmare like that since Caspar died; two years ago. I throw the covers off of my body and turn the light on my bedside table on. There I sit, trying to decipher what the meaning of that dream was.

So much went on, and Dan…why on earth was Dan involved? After moving in with Dan, my recovery sped up and I was no longer depressed. Dan and Phil made me happy and made me feel loved again. They treated me like a princess, although I insisted they make me carry my weight around the flat. I think back to the details of the dream once more.

The reference to Daniel Craig and James Bond had to do with the James Bond marathon I had had earlier this week. Madness being the theme song of the dream was due to the fact that I had become obsessed with the song. Dan trying to kiss me…I didn’t know yet.

Of course I loved Dan, but more as friends. I don’t really know how he would react to it though and mentally reminded myself not to mention it if talking about my dream became a topic the next morning.

Caspar…Caspar in my dreams was more common lately and I think I knew why. The London Strikers had made it to the Championship again this year. Whenever I thought about our first victory, I couldn’t forget how awful that night was for me at the same time. 

The image of a bloody Caspar, lying on the ground was a gruesome memory that, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t forget. He was always so full of life, strong and passionate, that the idea that such a simple bullet could destroy him, absolutely destroyed me.

My heart begins to slow its racing as my mind begins to comprehend reason in the situation. I missed Caspar, no matter how much I hid it, I truly missed him.

I rub my eyes and look at the clock. It read 2:37 in the morning. I groan to myself. I had to be up at 6 to drive to Brighton for a tournament.

This should be fun falling asleep! I sarcastically think to myself. 

I turn the light next to my bed off and blindly grope for the blankets to wrap myself in. I wish I could say I fell asleep easily from that point on but I didn’t. My eyes may have closed, but my brain was still on and running. In an attempt to put myself to sleep I think back to before Caspar’s death and now.

What has changed? I think to myself and mentally read off a list to myself.

I have to say I’m more toned, thanks stress exercising.

My hair is brown instead of blonde, thanks Dan and Phil.

I learned some stuff about biology, thank you college.

I’ve become addicted to Phil’s cinnamon pancakes-all other pancakes are irrelevant, your argument is invalid-thank you Phil, again.

I have a YouTube channel named thatSOUPgirl, thanks Dan for turning me to the dark side of the internet.

What else...I’ve begun teaching volleyball camps at the London Recreation center, thank you community service requirement.

I’m officially a year clean of alcohol abuse, thank you Vincent, Dan, Jack, Alfie, etc. (I went somewhat dark after Caspar died)

Oh and Vincent moved to Australia with his new fiancée, whom I’ve never met and totally don’t’ approve of….

The list goes on and on until finally my brain can’t think of anything else and shuts off.