Glowing - A Caspar Lee Fan Fiction [ON HOLD]

Chapter 3

*3 hours later*

I snap open my eyes and begin to inhaling sharply and repeatedly, grasping around for something familiar so I can get my surroundings.

I can’t see anything as my vision is blurred with white spots.

Then there is Dan, patiently standing by my hospital bed, to grab my hand.

I blinked hard, trying to get rid of the pounding headache and spots in my vision to figure out where I was. He rubs my shoulder and makes soothing noises.

“Calm down, Sam, please calm down” I hear him say. I begin to steady my breathing, still holding Dan’s hand tightly.

“Where the bloody hell am I?” I ask Dan disoriented and confused.My vision is cleared and I look around to find myself in a hospital bed.I can’t remember anything for about the day.

Dan looks away sheepishly.

“Sam, it’s been a really long night, you need to rest. Please just go to sleep” he says, clearly avoiding a touchy subject.

If I knew Dan, he prefers to change the subject rather than face it.

“What?” I ask, still confused. I slip my feet over the edge of the bed determined to try and stand.

“Just get some shut eye” he says, kissing me on the head, squeezing my hand and guiding me back to the bed.

He squeezed my hand.

Caspar and I’s way of communication.

Caspar.

All of a sudden, the horrific events of the night came rolling back to me in a wave of grief and sickness. I felt as though I was drowning in pain. I take a sharp breath in and feel my eyes begin to water.

There was no holding it back, as the tears streamed down my face in endless rivers.

I crumpled mentally and physically into Dan’s arms. He swiftly swung my legs back up onto the bed and pulled a chair over so he could sit and hold my hand as I sobbed, remembering the horrible night. Dan had nothing to say.

“Did they find him?” I ask between sobs.

Dan rubbed his face and shook his head.

I could literally feel my heart wretch out of me and fall into a dark abyss, never to be seen again. I no longer felt alive. I was nothing without Caspar, he was my whole world. Without him, I didn’t know what I would do.

I let go of Dan’s hand, putting my face into the palms of mine and continue crying, curling up into a ball on the bed. I couldn’t feel Dan’s comforting hand rubbing my shoulder as my entire body went numb with the internal pain.

I didn’t know what to do. I just had a huge chunk of my life ripped away from me in the worst possible way. I had witnessed his murder.

I had seen my one love die.

Nothing would ever be the same again.

*6 Months Later*

During the first few months after I witnessed Caspar’s death, I could not be consoled.

I ended up locking myself in my bedroom and crying almost all day for weeks. It didn’t help that my room and flat were covered in memories of his existence.

Pictures, old clothing, his scent on my pillow, and just the general feeling of his presence, constantly haunting me and my dreams wretched me to pieces. I spent my time sprawled out on my bed, in his baggy t shirt and boxers, thinking of the better times with him.