Maidens & Killers

Sleepless

      Sleep doesn’t find me easily after my interaction with Garrick. I’ve always been a shit sleeper, but the daily course load and training here at Basgaith has made me pass out before I can even finish one of Soren’s letters lately. Tonight, not so much. I toss in the bed again and flop to my side so that I am facing the wall. Good thing I no longer have a roommate, no one else should be kept awake due to my restless mind. 

     I squeeze my eyes shut and try to will myself to sleep for a few minutes before sitting up in a huff. Okay Maeve, You’re a critical thinker,  I silently tell myself. So why am I still awake? A pair of deep hazel eyes jump to the forefront of my mind. Eyes that are set into a face containing the sexiest lips I have ever seen; white teeth biting a bottom lip…… NO MAEVE!  We are absolutely, under no circumstances going down that fucking road. 

     Giving up, I reach into the large chest at my feet and withdraw Soren’s stack of notes. I just need to turn my mind off for a little while, Gauntlet is in two days, then Presentation and Threshing. I don’t need to be distracted by anyone or anything, least of all my section leader, who is so off limits it’s not even funny. I finger Soren’s letters and sigh, I wish he had put more effort into them. I know that he isn’t the best with words or expressing himself though, what’s important is that I know that he loves me. I know that he cares. Right?

                   I can’t wait to prove myself, Mae. I know that I have been training harder than anyone else and will win all of my matches. I love that shit, you know that. I wonder if I will make leadership as a second year. You know I’m not good with the bookwork though, and you won’t be there to give me the answers, so I’m probably fucked there. It really sucks that you’re not going to be there, all the other guys will have their hookups and girlfriends cheering for them on the mats and I’m what, not gonna have anybody. Plus like, what if you die over there? I won’t be there to protect you…..” 

       I toss the letter back down on the bed, okay, Soren is definitely not good at the whole love letter writing thing. But he’s a guy right? All guys are bad at this kind of thing. Like, the thought of any of my brother in laws writing my older sisters a love nearly makes my bow over with laughter. I’m being too hard on Soren, he’s just a guy and that’s how they are wired or something. 

    I put away my letters and lay back down in my small bed, the sun will be coming up soon enough and I will be able to stop laying here in misery. But it would be nice to get even a few hours of actual rest. I run my hand up and down my satin nightgown, it is finally starting to cool off enough here that it isn’t clinging to me. Desire pools in my belly as I run my hand over my stomach and up my other arm. This may help, I think. It has been a while at this point since I have had any sort of release and my sexual frustration is at a ten. Hence my illicit thoughts about my squad leader. So many things could be blamed on just being a horny mess that it is easy to place the blame there. 

      My hands fist the satin and pull it up so that it is bunched up at my waist. I slowly let my fingers trace the front of my panties lightly. My eyes roll back as I lightly apply more pressure. I turn my brain off and bring forward a memory of Soren and I hiding away in the stacks of my father’s barn. I think about how nice it was, being that close to him and how much he seemed to enjoy it, no matter how quick it was. I rub slow, hard circles at the juncture of my thighs until I am squirming against the rough sheets of my bed. I try to keep my mind from wandering off of the tryst with Soren, to a certain large frame it should not be thinking about but it’s useless. Which is perfectly normal, people have fantasies all of the time. It doesn’t mean that I will ever act on it.

        I allow my mind to wander to a pair of big arms around me and those aforementioned sexy ass lips trailing down my neck. Fuck, I shiver.  The contact through my panties suddenly isn’t enough, I need more. I quickly push them out of the way until my fingers come into contact with my bare self, incredibly hot to the touch and soaking wet. I imagine Garrick touching me with his right hand, while holding himself above me and just out of my reach with his other arm and immediately explode. I see stars and white dots and I’m pretty sure I scream out, though I can’t be sure. I lay in my bed trying to steady my heartbeat and close my eyes. Within moments I am fast asleep, which is probably good. There’s no way that I want to unpack what just happened.