Maidens & Killers

I Love You Killer

The inn is small but cozy, and there are a few more people here now than before the ceremony. Garrick hasn't let go of my hand since we joined them with the ceremonial cloth and I squeeze his hand gently as we enter the inn from the back door. Xaden walks in front of us, the owner of every room. Violet appears off, like there is some unknown tension between Xaden and herself that I am unaware of. I make a note to ask her about it later. They're an odd pair for sure, but they seem to genuinely love each other. Garrick and I follow them to a couple of overstuffed chairs in front of a roaring fire that remind me of my father's study. Most of the people in the inn are seated at the bar with drinks or large bowls of stew and hunks of bread. Violet and I sit down in the large chairs and Garrick and Xaden proceeded to go to the bar to procure us something to drink.

"That was a beautiful ceremony. I didn't know about the dragon burning part." Violet says nonchalantly, as she makes herself comfy in the chair.
"Me either. That was definitely a surprise." I say with a laugh.
Violet doesn't respond though, she is watching Xaden at the bar with her mind a million miles away.
I am grateful for the lack of conversation though, this day has been a whirlwind and I close my eyes and relax into the low murmuring noise of the inn's nightly business. Two men nearby are discussing the price of flour at the market that morning, and how it relates to someone's farm. Small town talk, I think. No talk of war or rebels or venin here. I try not to doze off in the chair listening to the comforting noises around me.

"I didn't know what you would like. So I got you a cider." Garrick says as he makes his way back over to my chair.
I smile up at him from where I am sitting, "Cider is great thank you."
My husband hands me a mug full of a sweet smelling liquid and I can't help the look that comes across my face when I call him my husband in my mind.
Garrick raises his eyebrow at what I am sure is the cheek splitting grin that is on my face before wrapping his arms around me and lifting me out of the chair. He sits down in the chair and pulls me back into his lap in one smooth motion. I expect Xaden to set Violet on his lap as well since there are only two chairs by the fire, but instead he places his back to the wall beside Violet's chair and chooses to stand. I note that neither Xaden nor Garrick have a drink, only Violet and I hold one. A feeling of dread crawls up my back as I remember the reason that Garrick isn't having a drink is because he is leaving first thing in the morning for his first duty station.

I turn in Garrick's lap so that I am facing him slightly, "So where are you heading?"
Garrick pressed a chaste kiss on my cheek. "Samara. Xaden and I both will be there, we leave first thing tomorrow."
"Samara!?" Violet exclaims, "The easternmost outpost? It's the most dangerous place you could be sent to!"
"Im aware." Xaden replied, flipping his knife in his hand. The biggest difference between Garrick and Xaden is their ability to turn it off. To anyone in the inn, Garrick looks like a larger than average, leather clad man you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley, but still a normal man like anyone else. Xaden on the other hand looks like the killer that he is at all times, there is no softness there that I can see.

"That is going to be a long flight every Saturday." Violet says as I lean into Garrick's embrace. It will be a long flight for them, but at least they have a date that they will see each other every week. While Garrick says that being married will force leaderships hand to let us spend time together during our leave, Samara is so far away that it may not be worth it often. I'm two years away from being sent to a post as well, what if it is on the opposite side of Navarre from Garrick? What will we do then? There is so much uncertainty that I drain my cider and try to enjoy this moment right now.

With the cider quickly drained, the room is almost too warm now. Everything Violet says is slightly funnier than it should be and I giggle frequently. Garrick's arms never leave my waist as he and Xaden casually discuss their flight plans for the next morning. If I tried to think of a perfect evening, this one would be pretty close. It ends far too quickly, with Xaden reminding us that staying any later would just piss Dain off. While that is always fun, after already leaving the castle as first years, Violet and I better not push our luck.

The walk back to Basgaith is a cold one and there is a heavy silence amongst our group. I cling to Garrick as we walk, feeling like there is a ticking time bomb between us. When we reach the castle Garrick follows me to my room, like it is second nature for him. It's late and his last night, who cares who sees us at this point? We make love slowly, holding unbreakable eye contact until the sun is rising lowly behind my single window. I wish I could stop time, as Garrick finally rolls himself out of my bed and begins to dress in his rider leathers and my heart breaks all over again. I can't fight the feeling that I just got him back, and that we haven't had enough time.

Garrick stops as he puts his rider's jacket on and looks at me in the bed, beautifully naked and wrapped up in the large comforter.
"I'm sorry," he says, pain in his eyes.
"Why are you sorry? You haven't done anything wrong." I reply sleepily.
Garrick just shakes his head and mumbles something that sounded like, "I knew better than this."
Before I can ask him to repeat himself, Garrick is walking towards me and pressing a mind numbing kiss on my lips. It feels like a goodbye and I cling to the back of his head, running my fingers through his dark hair. When we release each other, Garrick takes multiple steps backwards as though he doesn't trust himself to be too close to me.
"I love you killer." Garrick says softly and walks out of my room before I can even respond.