An Abomination

Overdose

I step toward the silhouette, aware of how much every inch of my body aches with each drag of effort of putting one foot in front of the other. The world around me spins. I close my eyes and take a deep breath to steady myself.

 I push through my aching bones, and my dizziness, and I focus myself, dashing as fast as possible to kick her in the chest. But before that, she tries to punch me in the stomach, I try to duck out of the way but it hits my hip, causing the nerves there to explode in pain.

Somewhere in the distance, someone calls my name, but I can barely hear it, barely hear everything besides the blood pounding in my ears. The sound of bones colliding echoes in my ear, as I set myself steady back to reality realizing I was only staring in the mirror picturing myself. I ignore myself, in general, to not feel so shitty about myself. 

It feels like my head is being cleaved in two. I double over, hands on my knees to brace myself. I let myself scream as loudly as I can. Someone must be here, someone must hear me. I was too weak to even move at this point.

My head was killing me. Waves of pain hit me. I tried to scream, but It felt as if my head was underwater. I take a steadying breath. My eyes clench closed tightly so no tears escape.

I hate how much I hate myself.

I tried to scream but my head was underwater. 

I think about him, and his hidden struggles he desperately hides away. 

Here we are, fighting our own internal battles.

And on different sides.

Love is the most intense feeling humans will experience in my opinion and it's a double-edged sword, it can blind you like a lover but also bind you. 

I want to destroy myself, I would imagine plunging a knife deep into my chest and watching my clothes blossom into a crimson red spreading fast each second, maybe then everything would stop forever. 

Seeing the looks in my own eyes,  are dispassionately filled with fury. The fury that I'm still kept alive here, but for what purpose is a question I will forever not have answers to. 

My throat closes up, I can't breathe, and there is no ground beneath only pitch dark.

I miss being my mother's daughter, I miss being a child, I miss not caring about everything. I wonder if they would care, I haven't done anything crazy I haven't solved global warming or cured cancer, what's the importance of a person like me anyway? I'm just an empty shell of a person.

This isn't scary, no this is peaceful. I only hoped that it had worked.