An Abomination

Violent

I am not a violent person.
I am not a violent dog, I don't know why I bite.
It's just all I've known.
My parents think I like to fight but that's simply not true, I may hit to let off some steam but I never enjoyed it.

I felt stripped off all of humanity when that officer told me to show her what I've done to myself. Though it was nothing at all not deep I'd barely count it for myself as a relapse. And worse it was all scars so I felt embarrassed it wasn't bad enough to prove theirs something to be of major concern.

I am now hated by fucking everyone I can't control it. Who wouldn't loose it after the horrid insults she threw at me like knives, it still stings like hell. I'm not proud of what I've done, but I've held all this for 16 years I felt like I had no choice, I had to do something. I feel such an overwhelming rage that it had controlled my muscles, my head a sharp throbbing pain after each word was uttered.
"Your good for nothing"
"This girl is hopeless"
"She has no use"
"She is insane and that caused the downfall of others, she only brings misfortune to others."

I had to take that?
I just want to be a kid again.
She picks out parts of me I refuse to think about, I hate to think. Thinking, makes me remember. I can't do that without spiralling.

You'd refuse to admit you're at wrong. Relapse is a part of recovery. Instead of helping you yell like a tyrant and say it's all your fault. Simply  victim blaming, that I'm so unstable and that being my only trait. Am I everything else aside from my illnesses?