My Love Mine All Mine

28 ⚠️

⚠️ PANIC ATTACK ⚠️

After lunch I stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom, naked. I poked and prodded at my skin, sucking my stomach in and then watching it bloat when I breathed back out. I turned to my side and gripped my hips tightly. I heard the door open and looked away from the mirror. "Hey sexy." JJ said with a smile when she saw I was naked.

"Hi." I said quietly. She wrapped her arms around my waist as she hugged me from behind. She kissed my neck and my shoulder lovingly, caressing my lower stomach at the same time.

"You're so pretty, baby." She watched my face in the mirror as it heated up. Her hand dipped a bit lower and I tensed up. "Gorgeous." She mumbled against my skin, her hand going between my legs.

"Stop." I froze and grabbed her hand. She pulled her hand away.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. I couldn't say anything, I didn't know why I was freezing, I was here, naked in front of her it's not like she would see anything more.

"I don't know what's happening." I whispered. I felt like I physically couldn't move, I was frozen and my voice was quiet.

"Do you need me to let go of you?"

"No. No, don't do that." My hands started shaking so I gripped onto her hands tightly.

My legs turned to jelly and I almost collapsed. She held me up and then slowly sat down onto the ground, holding me in her arms between her legs. "It's ok, it's ok." My heart was pounding out of my chest. "Honey, can you hear me?" I nodded once. "It's gonna be ok. I got you. You're safe here, alright? You're safe, I'm here." I nodded and looked down, seeing that my knuckles were weight for how hard I was gripping onto her hands.

"More."

"More what?"

"Pressure. It helps." She held me tighter and kissed my shoulder. "Good." She nodded and kept that same amount of pressure while holding me.

I gasped for air, not even realizing I was holding my breath. Every breath I took got harder and harder. "Hey, Iris, it's ok, it's ok, just breathe honey, breathe." She kissed my shoulder repeatedly, trying to calm me down.

It eventually worked but I was still trembling in her arms. "I'm cold." She took her shirt off and pulled it over me. I grabbed her arms and pulled them around me.

"It's ok honey. It's ok." My breathing was still a little ragged.

When I was able to breathe I started crying. Full on sobs that made me feel like I needed to throw up. "J...I can't do this." I sobbed out.

"Do what?"

"Everything. I can't do it, I can't do it."

"Calm down Iris, it's ok." I struggled in her arms, trying to get out but she held me securely against her. "You're safe, it's ok." I shook my head and held it in my hands.

"I'm sorry." I whimpered through tears, relaxing into her back as she kissed my temple.

"It's ok." She caressed my lower stomach again. "It's ok baby."

We sat like that for ten minutes until I had completely calmed down. I got up on shaky legs and she wiped the tears off of my face. "You don't have to talk about it, ok?"

"Thank you." I whispered. She brushed her knuckles over my cheek before holding my face in her hands. I couldn't meet her eyes. I felt like I was falling apart and if I were to meet her eyes I would fall apart. "I'm ok...if you wanna go, you can go." She shook her head.

"I'm not leaving."

"Ok." I said weakly, leaning forward and resting my head on her chest. I put my arms around her chest and she rested her chin on my head. "You can save the speech, I know you're here for me." She laughed softly and I couldn't help but smile. "I love you so much." My voice broke as I held back tears.

"I love you more."