My Love Mine All Mine

26

I woke up in my own bed to the smell of hot tea and a kiss on the forehead. I could help but smile as I saw JJ. She looked a bit anxious but excited at the same time. "Are you ok?" I asked her.

"I've been waiting an hour for you to wake up." She said, handing me my new medication. I didn't answer, just downed the pills with the tea. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine JJ. I feel good. It's my blood that apparently doesn't."

"Doesn't mean I don't want to baby you."

"You can't be babying me for the rest of my life. The doctor said there's no cure-"

"Wanna watch a movie? Because I want to watch a movie." She sat down beside me and turned on the tv.

"I don't want to watch a movie."

"Then what do you want to do?"

"I want to cuddle." She kissed my temple and pulled me into her arms. "JJ...I'm going to be ok-"

"You have to be. You didn't come into my life just to die."

"But even if I do die-"

"No."

"JJ, it's a possibility-"

"Stop. We're not talking about that." Her voice wavered.

"Jayje-"

"Stop talking."

"I'm sorry." I tensed up a bit but relaxed when I felt her hand rub up and down my back.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have raised my voice." She kissed the top of my head and I hid my face in her neck. She wrapped her arms around me securely while tangling our legs together. "I love you." I felt a tear trickle down my face and I know she felt it. "Baby?" I didn't answer. "Hey, can you look at me?" I just clung to her tighter. "I can't help if you don't talk to me."

"I don't always need you to help." She chose her next words carefully.

"I know that if I don't push you to talk, you never will. If you never talk, it never leaves your mind."

"Whatever I say, you're just going to cut me off anyways."

"That's not true."

"Then listen to me." I felt my heart pounding anxiously in my chest. She gave a small nod. "If something does happen to me, I'm not going to get too sappy don't worry. I just want to tell you, do not even think about showing my songs to anyone. Don't publish them, just put them away in a box with my name."

"But they're so good."

"If I wanted to release them under my name then I would've already. So that's all I'm going to say." There was so much more I wanted to say but I knew she wouldn't take it well so I didn't say it.

"What else do you want to say?"

"What?"

"You want to say something else. Somethings upsetting you."

"I can't say it because you're going to get upset."

"No, that's not what is is." She said softly, like she was trying to figure it out. "You can tell me anything." I shook my head. "Babe...hey, it's ok." I started crying into her shoulder and she stroked my hair while rubbing my back. "It's ok. Shh, I got you, it's ok."

I was crying for around 15 minutes, she was comforting me the whole time. When I finally stopped crying she didn't push. "Just talk to me when you need to, ok?" I sat up and she did the same, holding my face in her hands and wiping my tears away with her thumb. She kissed my forehead and I couldn't help but pull her in for a hug.

"I'm really sorry." I sniffed.

"For what honey?" She kissed my cheek.

"For everything."

"You're not making sense, you haven't done anything." Her comforting voice was right in my ear, making me relax into her. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"But I do."

"What's going on?" She rubbed my back and kissed my shoulder.

"I'm just sorry." She shook her head and kissed my temple.

"Stop saying that." I gripped the back of my shirt and my body tensed up as I held back tears. "It's ok my love." She rubbed my back to help my relax. "I got you."

"I love you so much."

"I love you too."