Linger (Camren)

Chapter 1: What You Missed

{ Camila's POV }

We need to lose ourselves in order to find out who we truly are.

I've heard this statement countless times. From adults who think they've done enough living to understand what truth lies within the phrase, to peers who have just found out who Buddha was and suddenly feel enlightened to all the mysteries of the world.

Now, I don't claim to be some wise keeper of the universe's secrets.

In fact, I don't know shit about shit.

Half the time, I can't explain what's going on in my own brain. But I can say, simply because I've given this some thought, is that this statement is bullshit.

"We need to lose ourselves"?

Doesn't this imply that we know who we are to begin with? And if that is the case, are we always lost then? If I decide to change from who I was yesterday, does that mean that I was a phony the days before? So, each day that I am not my "true self", is it just a big game? A lie? You see, I don't like that idea.

"In order to find out who we truly are"?

What the fuck does that even mean? So there is a goal to be met here? Like there's a certain date and time that this magical discovery will be uncovered and then... what? Am I forever happy? Did I win at life?

It makes no sense to me, because in all honesty, who we truly are, are constantly developing, enhancing or deteriorating creatures. We will always continue to change. Therefore, we will always be lost because there is no certainty guaranteed for us.

Just because you're given a map, doesn't mean your feet will follow the guided path.

You're probably thinking, what the fuck did I just read?

Or maybe you're wondering, where is this story going to lead to?

And I can gladly tell you that it leads in the direction of love, like it always does. But the point I'm try to make is that, there are so many ideas and thoughts in this world. And if you REALLY wanted to, you could link each and every one of them back to love.

And when I find the kind of love I'm looking for, you can bet your sweet ass that I'm gonna come back to this statement right here: We need to lose ourselves in order to find out who we truly are.

---

"Oh, beautiful customers, Wherefore art thou?!" Phoenix shouts exasperatedly, half his body off the counter by the register, the other half sitting comfortably on top of all of my school work.

"Phe, I literally just opened the store like 10 minutes ago. You know the drill, so relax." I ruffle his hair. He's always been the restless type.

"Ugh, I know! But Alejandro really needs to get with it. Nobody wants to buy a CD at 9 in the morning and you, of all people, should know that I need my daily dose of human interaction." He says while re-positioning himself.

Dad makes me open up the store everyday at 9, even though I tell him that no one would come in that early. A music shop aimed at a primarily teenage to young adult demographic? Yeah, we usually don't see customers in here until 12-1 at the minimum. Of course, the occasional few do come around, but the real hustle and bustle starts in the afternoon. Rasps is the go to hang out spot for the youngsters.

"Oh wow! Well then," putting my hand over my heart, feigning offense, "It's a good thing I don't fall under the category of human, I suppose."

"You know what I mean, Millz." He says with a chuckle as he makes his way over to skim through the rap section of the store, as if he hasn't seen every CD there a million times.