Linger (Camren)

Chapter 23: Is What It Is

{Camila's POV}

I don't know what Lauren was expecting of me as she bared her soul, but I knew she only feared the worst.

As if revealing her past to me would somehow make me forget every reason there was to adore her. Like it would shatter the illusion she so desperately wanted to cling to, but knew she couldn't the longer we stayed together.

The rain had since seized its relentless downfall on the city and the calmness that surrounded the two of us was something new to me.

The girl had given out to exhaustion some time ago, but you would think that our bodies would have fused together at this point from staying in the same position for so long. Sitting in the emerald eyed girl's apartment, having her lying next to me as she clutched at my (her) t-shirt while she dreamt up a world in that pretty little head of hers, brought me to a level of comfort I didn't know existed.

Thinking back at the events of last night, everything that had happened on my end completely escaped my mind. The guilt I felt for growing angry with the raven haired beauty when she had, and continues to have, so many struggles of her own, was immense. At the same time, I had to forgive myself for that because how could I have known.

She hasn't told me much about her life since we've met, and though I know her in her present form, you won't truly know someone without knowing where they started from. What things have led them to become the person that they are now. What has made them strong and what has torn them apart.

And when someone you care for so deeply finally opens up a piece of their heart for your safe keeping, it feels like your doing something right. Like you're worthy enough to be gifted with such knowledge.

I would have waited forever if I needed to, because that's how much she meant to me. She was my little walking mystery and I loved that about her. But knowing more about what makes her the way she is... well, it makes her seem human now.

Confusing, I know, but let me try to explain myself as best I can.

Before, she was just this goddess with no past. She appeared out from the shadows and the Universe said, "Here, bless the earth with your presence. You're welcome unworthy peasants."

But now... now, she was so much more real to me.

Does that even make sense?

It's like when you get to know someone for the first time. Someone you might have admired for a while or someone you just think very highly of. They seem perfect don't they? Almost incapable of doing any wrong, having bad days, or just feeling any kind of negative emotions. The less you know about someone, the easier it is to fall in love with them from just the basics.

I think the idea of a person is something we can mold in our minds to suit our needs. Once you know someone in their entirety, you can no longer shape them the way you want in your head. You just have to love them for who they are, not who you made them up to be.

It's easy to like a person from the image projected on the surface. It's harder to share in their troubles and dive into the depths of their story, and everyone has a story. Within these stories, there are parts that we will try to keep hidden for fear that the persona of who we are now is the only thing keeping people around.

Many people get sucked into this trap.

Lauren has. I have. Phoenix and Dinah too. We all, at some point, have done this.

We lessen ourselves to the point of non-existence and try to keep our "less desirable" aspects and attributes to ourselves to spare others.

For someone like Lauren, it is this ever pending sense of helplessness and her deeply rooted insecurity that she will never be able to truly care for the ones she loves the way they need to be cared for, that keeps her shackled to the confines of her mind.