Linger (Camren)

Chapter 22: The Story Goes On

{Lauren's POV}

There are days in which, instead of the silent sway from the universe that gently wakes you from your slumber, you receive a harsh jolt instead. One that makes you rise from your bed, clinging tightly to the sheets that cover, but don't protect you. The air around you is unmoving, but it suffocates for some reason, and the tightness in your chest doesn't greet you, it just shows up uninvited.

Not a suspicion, but a cold, harsh fact.

It's made known simply in the way the tiny hairs on your arms stand without your command, and the dull ache in your head is felt more than any hard blow to your body.

You know it's going to be a terrible day.

I tried my best to steady my nerves in the presence of random strangers on the train cart, but that only proved itself to be more difficult. Under their scrutinizing gazes, I only grew more anxious.

As I made my typical walk into the plain white building, I took note of the dreary atmosphere that seemed to follow me everywhere I went. Even the sky wasn't as friendly as it had been the weeks prior.

I guess it was going to rain.

When I finally entered the building, instead of the sassy and quick witted little woman I had grown accustomed to being greeted by in a rush, I was met with an empty lobby; Maggie being nowhere in sight.

The atmosphere held an uncomfortable stillness that could drive even the sanest of man crazy.

I placed my hands on the front desk, leaning all of my weight forward as I waited for any sign of the head nurse to appear. Standing on my feet was proving to be more difficult as the minutes passed.

Though I was staring directly at the stack of papers that laid a mess on the table, I didn't really pay much attention to them.

Or maybe I did.

And maybe I saw my mother's files sprawled about the clutter and opted to ignore the detail to further prolong the inevitable.

I tapped my fingers rapidly along the edge of the table, as I found myself crouched down at eye level to the desk. I always grew small whenever I became nervous.

I leaned my head against my hands, that were now gripping the table firmly, keeping me balanced. My eyes closed shut while I waited for someone to tell me of the news to come, a scenario I'm not unfamiliar with, but will never grow accustomed to.

My body was a stone at the bottom of a cold, unforgiving stream. Unmoving and unnoticed, but seen as strong and sturdy against the currents that rush over them and do nothing but keep them clean.

That's the way I wanted to think of myself. I was a rock...

I had to be.

Bad things happened all the time, yet I was still here. Still living, though at times, my life feels drained of any purpose and joy.

Nonetheless, I exist. I am a being in the midst of millions of other beings and I exist.

My purpose is my family. My purpose are my friends. My purpose is to be there for them when they need me. My purpose is to make them happy.

I recited my usual mantra in my head as I swayed back and forth from the balls of my feet to the tips of my toes.

My copping mechanism.

The sound of lazy feet dragging along the smooth tiled floor made me halt my movements immediately. I lifted my head to see an exhausted Maggie slowly entering the room. Her face was solemn, but upon meeting my blank expression, she grew kindly and sympathetic. She knew that I knew already.