Linger (Camren)

Chapter 19: The Good Kinda Crazy

{Camila's POV}

I had only just taken notice of how eerily soothing the emptiness of my living room was at night. As I sat on the couch for the past 2 hours, just thinking about everything and nothing all at once, I occasionally fiddled with the yellow envelope that laid on my lap.

Everything had been silent except for the sounds of the cars driving along the street, but I've learned to block out the noise when I wanted to. In that moment, the rolling of the wheels on the pavement was my lullaby. Though it didn't put me to sleep, it pacified my soul. 

I didn't pick myself up from the sidewalk for another hour or so after Lauren had left, and when I did manage to get up, my thoughts were literally weighing me down. The usual brisk walk back to my apartment felt more like the last walk I'd ever take, as dramatic as that may sound. 

There's something about knowing that you're eventually going to have to deal with the problems you've been ignoring for so long. It makes all your limbs feel heavier, and your mind wander more than it should, and your heart kinda hurt a bit.

Maybe that's why we do things to make us forget about those feelings, even when we know they're gonna come back no matter what.

Entering my apartment, I was met with a vacant house. I assumed Mami was having another long day, and Phoenix and my father were probably spending time together.

I sluggishly made my way to my room, not turning on a single light in the house as I blindly made the journey up the stairs.

I didn't bother to situate myself because I knew exactly why I had come to my room for in the first place. Opening up my drawer, I pulled out the letter from Travis, running my hands over the smooth surface of the large envelope and tracing the handwritten text with my fingers.

From there, I waited patiently in the living room, making myself comfy on the cushioned sofa and staring vacantly at the blank TV screen in front of me.

The sound of keys unlocking the front door made me tense up slightly after having been so wrapped up in my thoughts for so long. The lights to the hallway flickered on and a small commotion could be heard in the distance. I watched as a laughing Phoenix made his way up the stairs and disappeared at the top, most likely heading straight to his room.

My father, on the other hand, wandered tiredly into the living room. This had always been a habit of his. Whenever he'd get home, he would always head straight to his reclining chair and just sit there for while. I never really questioned why he would do that, but after spending some time alone here today, I realized that at night this room was an escape from reality.

Plopping down on his chair, he had yet to notice me as I blended in well amongst the shadows. A small groan escaped his lips as he leaned back against the seat and closed his eyes, his hands gripping the sides loosely.

For the first time in a long time, I actually looked at my dad... like really looked at him.

It was a bit of shock to me to see the subtle differences in his appearance. His hair has begun to gray, I was aware of that, but it was just now that I realized just how much of his black hair was now replaced with silver strains.

There were heavy bags under his eyes, almost as if he never truly gets enough sleep, and his stubble appeared prominent and scratchy. There was a sizeable scar running from his left cheekbone down to his jaw. It wasn't a deep cut or anything, most likely just a scratch caused by his own finger nails, which he usual keeps pretty long. I always used to remind him to cut them.

After a moment had gone by, I decided to make my presence known, leaning forward and placing the envelope gently on the table.

The sound of my movements made his eyes flutter open. The realization that I had been sitting on the couch the whole time startled him, causing him lean back entirely in his recliner and put his hand on his chest.