Watching Over Our Nation

Chapter 14: Halloween horror

Remus' POV:

"So you're leaving again?" Sirius does not sound as sad and dramatic as usual. He has changed lately, more distant, more indiffer- ent towards me. I do not understand why. What's up with him?

"Yeah. I'm really sorry, Pads." The tension in the air between us is not the usual sexual tension. Instead, it's a cold atmosphere, one I am not used to with Sirius anymore. "I'll be back in a couple of days, though. It won't be too long."

"'Kay," Sirius answers, still emotionless. What is up with you? What has happened be- tween us?

Why can't things ever stay good?

"D'you... do you want to talk?" I ask him, careful not to pressure him too much. That always pisses him off even more. I swear I'm not pressuring him.

"About what?" Sirius narrows his eyes. I don't really understand why, but he seems to be searching for something in my eyes. "Do you have something to tell me, Remus?"

He used my actual name. I frown at him, almost flinch at his coldness. He hasn't called me by my real name in years. Not since the prank, that's for sure.

"Sirius, I don't know what's going on-"

"You!" He interrupts me, almost scoffing so hard it almost sounds like a laugh. Almost. "You and your secrets Remus! Always the secrets, Moony! Seriously, what more can you keep from me?!"

I want to respond, I really do. I want to tell him I am not keeping anything from him, which would not be true in the slightest. I want to try to calm him down, but I am utterly stunned.

"You have nothing to say to that, huh?" He continues. He is literally spitting the words out. "That's what I thought. I can not believe you could do such a thing, Remus."

"Wait," I finally regain my voice at this last bit. "What did I do? What do you think I did?!"

"I think you can figure that out for yourself," Sirius turns away, about to walk away. "You're smart enough to."

"No, don't walk away from me right now!" I go after him, but he slams the door in my face and locks it. I could use Alohomora, but things would only get worse. When Sirius is in this kind of bad mood, you have to wait to talk to him. I know this now.

"I didn't do anything," I mutter to the door. I feel the need to confess to him, but I physic- ally cannot. I made a promise to Dumble- dore, something I now know never to do again. "I swear, I didn't do anything bad Pads."

"Then why are you keeping it from me?" It's a relief to hear he actually wants an answer to that. The problem is that I can't tell him.

"I don't want to," I try to tell him instead. "I just... I can't tell you Pads. I literally can't."

I hoped he would hear that I was being sincere and honest. I hoped he would hear it in the way I sounded truly pathetic. But he didn't hear it.

*Flashback*

"I do hope you understand you will have to keep this mission to yourself," he looks deeply into my eyes. Those piercing blue eyes that always made me slightly uncomfortable.

"I do," I answer sincerely, I feel like I'm deliv- ering some sort of oath. "Do you want me to keep this from Peter, James and Lily as well?"

I usually don't keep things from them any- more, neither do they keep things from me. They always get to tell me about their missi- ons. I never got to go on a mission before, because of my condition, I assume. Now it comes in handy for the Order, so it's my turn.