Christmas With You

Five Years Ago

TW: Characters death

There's music playing outside. Jingle Bells. Kurt is sick of it. Sick of everything. This isn't christmas. This isn't the happy and joyful time of the year like he knew it.

His mom loves christmas. Every year they make a big feast as a family. Tree, baking, watching christmas movies, presents and everything there is. But not this year. There's no feast this year.

Elizabeth Hummel is strong, no matter how hard cancer wants to get her but the Hummels never imagined spending christmas in the hospital. Not the first time, not the second time. Not until now.

At the beginning of november she had to go to the hospital and stay. It's safer for her. Without her at home there's no sign of christmas. The Hummel men just could't bring themselves to decorate the house for christmas.

They spend most of their time in the hospital to be with Eliza anyway. She loves that the two people she loves most are with her but she hates that it has to be during the christmas season. She hates it because she knows something they don't. Not yet.

She hates to break it to them but she knows that she'll die. She knows that cancer got her for good. She's too weak to fight any further and that only a week before christmas eve. She won't make it til christmas. She will die during that happy happy time. It's a bad time to die but she's too weak. She can't fight any longer. She will be free of the pain.

"Kurt could you get you and your father some coffee and lunch please? You both haven't eat all day. Take the money from my purse" Eliza asks. His son nods, takes the money and leaves the room. He's 20 and not dumb. He knows it's the goodbye talk. First his dad and when Kurt comes back his mother will talk to him. Kurt doesn't want to say goodbye. Is it possible to stop the time? To keep her alive?

In the cafeteria he gets two coffee, a salat for himself and a sandwich for his dad. He doesn't have any appetite and his dad won't either but his mom said they need to eat so he still buys the food.

"Promise me to take good care of him. Of both of you" Eliza says to her husband. "I will. I always will. But he'll go back to New York eventually and make you proud and I'll have his back all the time" Burt answers. He and Eliza think the same thing but Eliza is the one to say it aloud "No matter what I will always be proud of our little boy". Kurt isn't little anymore but in their eyes he always will be.

Both are crying. "I wish it wouldn't be that way" Burt sobs. It's been a while since he last cried and it breaks Elizas heart. She hugs her husband, letting him cry for a bit "I love you. I love you so much Burt Hummel". "I love you too my love" Burt says. He hardly uses petnames but that's the last thing he cares about at the moment.

When Kurt comes back his father opens the door and goes outside "I get some fresh air". He cried, Kurt immediatly recognizes and he can already feel his own tears start to rise in his eyes. He steps in and puts the stuff down. His mother pats on the free spot on her bed "Come here my beautiful boy" and Kurt goes to lay down next to her and cuddle into her side.

It feels like a switch flicked or so because as soon as he does the tears start rolling and he can hardly hold back his sobs. Eliza takes her son in her arms as tight as possible and he returns the gesture. One last time.

"Kurt, love, you need to promise me something" she says when his sobs turn into hiccups again. "Anything mom, anything" he answers, looking into her eyes as ocean blue as his. People always say he looks exactly like his mom. The eyes, nose. Lips and hair color. Well Burt doesn't have any hair anymore and by now his mom doesn't either but back then it always was the same color as Kurts. Chestnut brown.

"Go back to NYADA and graduate. It was always your dream. Follow your dreams and always take care of yourself. I want you healthy and happy all you life. I know you will end up on broadway sooner or later but no matter what I am proud of you and always be." She says while playing with Kurts hair. She's the only one allowed to do that.

"You will find the right man, the love of your life and you two will have a good and happy life. I love you son" she continues and Kurt starts sobbing again at those three little words "I love you too mom. I wish you could stay with us". "I don't want to leave you two either but it's for the best" Eliza answers and kisses her sons forehead while keeping him in her arms and letting him sob.

Burt and Kurt spend the rest of the day with Eliza, holding her and hand talking. Just talking. No one wants this day to end but when visiting hours are over the men have to leave.

The call comes the next morning at 8. Elizabeth Hummel peacefully died in her sleep. Burt has no tears left. No words left. He feels empty. He feels sad. And even tho he knew it will happen he feels shocked.

When Kurt hears the news from his father he breaks down crying. 6 day before christmas. Or before what would've been christmas. How can he celebrate his moms favorote holidays when he lost her just now? It will never be the same again. Christmas will never be the same again. Life will never be the same again.

Kurt stays in Lima for a little longer, supporting Burt with taking care of all the paper stuff and planning the funeral.

Lots of people come to the funeral. Eliza was very loved from many people. It's a beautiful funeral but Kurt fast starts to get sick of all these phrases that you say out of pity and to be polite "She'll be missed", "I'm sorry for your loss" and all that crap. He just wants to be alone and grief.

One week after the funeral and two weeks into the new year Kurt packs his bags again. He needs to go back to New York. To NYADA. School started a week ago but he will work it up and make his mom proud. He tells his dad that he can call whenever there's something up, he needs help or wants to talk or so and that they will schedule meetings.

One day later he goes back to New York and tries to pick up where he left before his life changed.