Most Everything (Hartbig AU)

iii.

NSSF; sorry in advance, I guess. Hope you're having a lovely day :) xx

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/ I was the match and you were the rock / maybe we started this fire / we sat apart and watched / all we had burned on the pyre /

Things We Lost In The Fire --- Bastille

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I pulled out of Mamrie's driveway carefully. She was being too quiet, I could tell that much from the first five seconds of the drive. But I should have known the silence wouldn't last.

About a mile from Hannah's, she finally spoke up. "You have to tell her."

"Mamrie-"

"Grace. You can't wait forever. It's only been, what, a week? And I can tell you're being torn up inside. I can't stand seeing you two this way, all antsy and awkward and unhappy. Please, just tell her. If not for your sake, for hers and mine."

Lucky for me, we pulled up to Hannah's just then, effectively cutting off Mamrie's spiel.

"Hey guys!" Hannah greeted, as smiley as ever. "I'm not drinking today."

"What? Why not? Are you okay?" Mamrie of course immediately panicked, switching into Momrie mode and hugging Hannah close to her chest.

"I'm fine, I just want to give my liver a break before tour, alright?" She let out an airy laugh that had my stomach doing backflips.

"Alright, crazies, what are we cooking today?" I grinned and shoved my way through the doorway.

"Homemade barbecue sauce!" Hannah cheered.

Mamrie sighed. "This is not going to turn out like barbecue sauce, is it?"

"Probably not," she grinned back.

It was all I could to do stop myself from watching her as her smile filled every corner and edge of her face, lighting up her eyes. I shook my head and shrugged off my jacket and shoes. "Dude, let's get started, I'm fucking hungry."

"Hey, wait," I heard her call from behind me, "if I'm not drinking, neither are you two. It's a quote unquote 'drunk' kitchen."

I suppressed a giggle at how much she hated being left out, and Mamrie stared me down.

It would fix things more than you think.

I looked down the hallway at Hannah, at how happy she was right now. Everything was normal to her. I was normal to her. Nothing had changed between us, and I couldn't let anything change.

No.

Not yet.

I shook my head just enough for Mamrie to notice, then led the way to the Hannah-sized kitchen.

"I can't get over how tall this small kitchen makes me look," Mamrie mused.

"Hey!" Hannah protested. "I may be tiny but I still have ears!"

I rolled my eyes. "And apparently, a lot of fire."

We set to work getting out the dry ingredients and aprons, as the others were starting to feel the same hunger as I was. We started filming and struggling with the "Not-My-Arms" type cooking. I laughed at Hannah's scrunched up expression when she finally tasted the sauce, and could feel Mamrie's eyes on me.

"Too sweet," Hannah said, barely able to get two words out.

I grinned jokingly, staring straight into the camera lens with a smirk. "Thanks."

Soon after we had cleaned the kitchen, we settled down in the living room to watch movies. After the first, Mamrie spewed some excuse and left. By the second, Hannah and I had each opened a beer. Mine only had a few sips gone, while she was on her second or third.

It was halfway through the third movie that I couldn't take it anymore. I was trying to enjoy myself and get lost in the plot, but I couldn't do it. I kept remembering why I had stayed and Mamrie had left, and then I would feel a rush of nerves and heat. I had to tell her.

"Hannah?"

She answered without turning her head from the TV. "What's up?"

"Can we talk?" Now she knew it was something serious. She paused the movie and shifted so that her body was turned towards mine.

"I don't know how to say this. It's been kind of hard to come to terms with, and a little weird to think about, too. It's just - it's not something I was expecting, you know?" I sighed. "You probably have no idea what I'm talking about."

She shook her head, motioning for me to go on.

"Hannah, I like you." The words spilled from my mouth sooner than I had expected, but I couldn't stop myself from grinning once the words were out of my mouth. It felt so good to get that off of my chest and into the air, no matter how childish the phrasing seemed. But I looked over at her face and immediately my heart was in my throat.

She looked-

She looked kind of hurt, I realized with a start. "Grace, is this some kind of joke?" she slurred.

"Ha-"

"Because that's really fucking twisted. I don't think you know how much this hurts, do you? I used to worship the ground you walked on, you know. I would've died for you, I would have killed for you. It was clear from the start that we would never happen. But this? This is low." She laughed darkly and threw her hands in the air. "I can't believe I expected anything different. It's always the same with straight people. They think they can push you around, use you as the butt of their jokes..." By then she was agitated, pacing back and forth across the floor, and I was too stunned to do anything but watch. Suddenly, she stopped pacing. "You know what, Helbig? You should go."

She ran her hand through her hair one last time before I finally turned away from her glare. "Hannah, please just let me-"

"You need to leave." I could hear something falling to the floor, and looked up to see her cheeks streaked with tears. Her face was blurry, and I realized I was crying too.

"Han, please-"

"Goodbye, Grace."

The last thing I saw before I fled the house was her head in her hands.