selling and telling (Carl Gallagher fanfic)

Dom is the prob

Trigger Warning!

My greatest life motto is " I don't find trouble, trouble finds me" and I live by that motto. It could be my dads genes kicking in but I am also a good ass liar. I mean I only lie when I really have to which is hardly never unless it has something to do with my wellbeing or the cops. I know I am not mentally fine, and I need a lot of help, but I do not want people to worry about me.

When I was young I would have to go and get test done all the time. From a young age my parents knew I had issues. When I was mad I would destroy stuff. Not like toys or paper. I would key cars and break glass or throw wood at the rich people. Or if I went get sad or in trouble, I would go hide outside in my playhouse and not come inside because I thought I deserved nothing good. It would only happen every few months. When they found out I had Bipolar and depression it wasn't a sunrise. 

The thing is now I cope in different ways.

I will starve myself because I did not need to eat food because I was to fat and there was no need for my mom to have to make extra food for me. I would cut my self because I thought I deserved it for the pain I caused to everyone around me. I have not cut in a long time. My mom has spent so much money with a lawyer and all my court stuff to make sure I do not get into trouble. For what. We both know I will fuck something up again shortly. now I am in my bed looking at the celling holding in my bladder where it causes me much pain. I just cannot get up. My body won't let me move from this spot. I can't even go to sleep. I stayed up all night waiting for my mom to get home. My stepdad leaves right when she comes home. 

My mom says it is lazy for me to get back into these phases. But I just cannot do it. I feel like everyone hates me. Carl hates me. My mom hates me. My sisters and brother, Fiona, Debbie, lip Ian, Liam my dad. Even frank hates me.

No matter how much I say I do not care I am still affected. I heard my mom shut her bedroom door so I try to make my way to my bathroom. It is only about 8 steps away and that is still to far. I sit up on my bed and the pain is worse. "ah" I scream. I sit there a second and tried to let the pain reduce. I have felt a lot of pain before but this pain will always be one of the worst there is to me. I stand up and I just cant do it. I cry. I cry a lot. I get down on the floor and try and crawl my way to the bathroom.

I am so close yet so far. I hear my door open and look to see who it was. It was Colden. "shut my door" I cried out. "what the fuck" He says and comes in and shuts my door. That was not what I meant. "go away" I tell him. "No Tessa you are having another episode. Does mom know?" He asked me." No I am fine" I tell him and start crawling to my bathroom again. "damnit Tessa here" He said and picked me up. I feel worse because he is still in recovery. He placed me on the ground Infront of the toilet. He turns away and I use the bathroom. my bladder feels relief. 

I stand up and pull my shorts back up. "Tessa you have to stop doing that" He told me. " Sorry" I told him. " I am telling mom to take you back to the hospital. Cleary your medicine isn't helping. " Colden said. "no please" I tell him and cry more. I sit back on my bed.

" how long have you been feeling this way?" he asked me. "only a day" I told him. "okay so it is just now starting , Tessa please let mom take you" He told me. " I can't go it only stays for like 4 days and then I will be fine" I told him. "Tessa you are anything but fine. Look I know how you feel it happens to me just in a different way. I get so angry and shit and then I do shit like I did the night I was shot and I know it is not the same as yours but I cant sleep either when it happens I don't eat I drink myself away until I do stupid shit" he explained. I knew he had issues, but I did not know he was like me. "I thought the medicine was helping" he said low. 

"I stopped taking it" I whispered. "What?" he questioned. "I stopped taking it" I looked down. "Tessa why?" He said frustrated. I shrugged. "There has to be a reason" "I do not want to have to take medicine to be normal Colden! Why can I not just be normal without having to take pills every damn day?" I shouted. He sat next to me. "You will never be normal Tessa and we love you for that. You would not be Tessa if you were normal! It helps you from having outburst and helps keep you calm and you should really start taking it!" He explained. "Just don't tell mom" I told him.