don't let me down . . . anuseena post-marriage

manas to the rescue

Nandita was sitting on her bed, studying as she looked up and saw the black spot on her table and grimaced in annoyance. Her fingers itched for the feel of a cigarette between them and with each passing moment it became harder to ignore. She picked up her bag going through it hoping to find a stray cigarette she might have accidentally left but nothing.

"Behenchod..." she muttered to herself. She wouldn't even find any open shops at this time.

Shaking her head and slapping herself lightly, she tried to clear out the thoughts and went back to the question written on the DPP. Her pen scratched against the surface of the paper, as she solved the question, furrowing her eyebrows in concentration, proceeding cautiously after every step.

As Nandita delved back into her studies, the room enveloped her in a cocoon of concentration. The faint light from her study lamp cast a determined glow on her face, accentuating the sharp angles of her features. The battle with the complex problem seemed to momentarily distract her from the persistent craving for a cigarette.

She checked the time and looked up tiredly, looking at the spinning fan with a look of longing and thoughtfulness. Suddenly, realizing her feelings she shook her head, breathing heavily.

"What the actual fuck is wrong with me?" she muttered to herself, closing the practice assignment and moving onto the next one.

Just then a knock sounded on her window causing her to jump up in fear as she slowly stood up cautiously, picking up her lighter and clicking it on, just in case, she looked through the window and gasped ever so slightly seeing Manas outside, sporting his usual grin.

"oh my god," she said hurriedly opening the window and letting him in. As soon as she got inside she pulled him into a tight hug, as if promising to never let go. "Fuck, I missed you so much, this is such a surprise." She said happily while he grinned as the two walked over to her bed.

"Padh rhi thi tu?" he asked looking at the books spread on the table while she nodded with a shrug. "So, Kota treating you well?"

"Pata nhi behenchod, bhut chutiya jagah hai yeh." She said shaking her head, taking a seat beside him.

"Aur tu kaisi hai?" he asked with a glint in his eyes, offering her a cigarette when he saw her fidget with her fingers.

"Kya lagta hai tujhe?" she said, rolling her eyes with a chuckle, accepting the cigarette before looking at him affectionately, "Oh my god Manas I missed you so much." She said, pulling him into another hug, as he caressed her hair lovingly.

"Sach sach bata sab thik hai na? Yaar mujhe toh tu kuch bhi bol sakti hai." Manas said worriedly, while she looked up before burying her head in his arms again and eventually breaking down into sobs as Manas felt his short getting wet.

"Manas, I'm...it's too much. Today I was looking at the fan with longing, like haan behenchod latak ja, useless toh tu hai hi." She said sobbing hysterically while Manas broke the hug and made her look at him.

"Paagal hai kya tu? Pankhe se latakne ke liye Kota aayi hai? Kya hua?" he said looking at her dead in the eyes while she sniffled.

"I just can't...it's so hard...I'm so afraid of disappointing mom and dad. Behenchod, mein unse itna pyaar karti hun but I've built these stupid fucking walls around me and breaking them feels so scary. They've been so supportive through out all this. They came here early in the morning on my birthday to wish me. And we even planned to go out in the evening. And I fucked it up. We had a test whose results were out that day, I didn't perform well, got fucked up and returned late and then I just shouted at them for no fucking reason. They were nowhere at fault but admitting to myself that I'm such a disappointment to the two people I'd give the world for is so much easier than pretending to be a bitch and it's killing me. I just wanna lay down beside mom and be her little girl again, I wanna have dad teach me how to cycle again. I wanna lie down between them and hear all their stories from work. I'm drowning here." She said sobbing hard while Manas looked at her, his eyes reflecting the pain and empathy he felt towards here.