Untouched [minsung]

Chapter 44

Lee Know POV

We'd been here for over a week and there hadn't been any changes. Chan had told me that Han not getting worse was a good thing, but I worried about the truth in that.

What if we'd made it too late to the hospital, and he never woke up? What if the burns had gotten infected, and we hadn't noticed yet? What if whatever Jeongin gave him to knock him out was shutting his entire body down? Every thought I had jumped to the worst-case scenario, but I couldn't help it.

I hadn't left the hospital once. The doctors and nurses took pity on me and let me use their shower and brought me any leftovers from their meals. I was grateful that they understood how much I needed to be here for Han.

Of course, they only started doing that after trying to coax me out of the hospital for days. They'd promised to call me with any updates. They even asked if they could get me a monitor, so I could watch him from my phone at home. I refused to leave, though, so they had decided to make sure I was being taken care of in any way that they could.

Chan and Hyunjin had been trying to get me to leave the hospital as well. Chan kept offering me a hotel even though I declined every time. I also knew Hyunjin hated having to babysit me, but Chan refused to leave me by myself and Hyunjin refused to leave Chan's side, so we were all stuck here since I had made it clear I would not be leaving Han alone. The only time they left was when Changbin visited, but they always returned when he had to leave.

Mrs. Seo had been calling me to give her updates, but I had been ignoring her. As I saw it, she, her husband, Seungmin, and the Hwangs were all to blame for this, and, honestly, so was I. Han should've never been involved with these people, and I brought him in even deeper by getting personally attached to him. It would've been better for him if I'd never taken the job in the first place, or, at the very least, if I'd remained professional. I hated myself for it and wished I could go back and keep him out of this.

When we'd first found Han, I'd been so eager to save him that I hadn't allowed myself to truly look at what they had done to him in the month or so that he forced to be there. Sitting here in the hospital, under the harsh fluorescent lights, it was much clearer how much damage they'd done. The footage couldn't do justice to how inhumanly those people, especially Jeongin, had treated him.

Everywhere Jeongin could have hurt him, he had. His chest, his arms, his legs, and his back were covered with burns. The doctors had treated them, but they said he'd likely scar.

He'd look like me.

That thought pained me most because I knew what he'd gone through to get that way, and I would've done anything to stop that from happening. I also knew that the mental damage Jeongin had done was just as harmful as the physical. Han would never be the same.

I'd already seen a little bit of how different he was. When I'd watched the footage Hyunjin had managed to pull, Han had not made so much as a whimper in the last clip. He's gotten strong. And when Jeongin began filming me for him to watch, he'd adapted quickly and began lying so that I wouldn't be burned. I wondered how this would translate to the real world. Would he still be so tough and stoic? Or was that a part he forced himself to play to get through the horrors he was made to deal with?

Even though I was grateful to Han for saving me from being burned, I would've taken all of the pain if it meant he wouldn't have had to change. He was so perfect before...I hated myself for not appreciating him more.

Thanks to a concerned but loose-lipped Chan, the doctors found out I was burned, too, and had wanted to check over me as well. I hadn't let them. I knew how to care for my burns from experience and didn't want them to see my body. I hated the pity that came with it. I hated how they looked. I hated the reminder of what I went through and that there was nothing I could do to get rid of them.

Strangely, I wanted nothing more than to show Han. I knew he'd understand now. Although, I had a feeling he would've understood before, too. I just wish I'd allowed myself to be vulnerable with him back then. I'd been so completely closed off when it came to intimacy, that he'd been scared to approach me. I hated myself for that, too.

The doctors couldn't figure out exactly what Jeongin had given Han to knock him out but informed me that Han's heart rate had regulated itself. That was the only positive news I'd gotten since we got here. His chest rose and fell with every breath and was a constant reminder that he was alive. At least there was that.

I looked at Han's tranquil face as he continued to rest. He looked so calm, and I wondered what he was thinking about. I hoped he was dreaming about us and that he'd wake up ready to put our arguments behind us. I just wanted to be with him and love him. I didn't care about the reasons we'd fought anymore. They were moot at this point.

I wasn't sure if I ever had a reason to be upset and that thought made me feel horrible. If I had no reason to be upset, I had no reason to kick him out, and he'd never have gone to live with Felix, he'd never have gotten kidnapped, Felix wouldn't have died...

My one burst of anger had caused so many so much.

I hoped that the words that Jeongin had read to him wouldn't close him off from me. I wouldn't be able to take it if he woke up and wanted nothing to do with me. I wished I could go back and rewrite it and feature all do the wonderful things I loved about him.

I held his hand and squeezed it tightly as I sat beside him in a chair by his bed. Even now, he was so beautiful. I kissed the top of his hand and rubbed my thumb over it.

"Hey, pretty boy," I whispered.