Untouched [minsung]

Chapter 52

Lee Know and I lay in his bed for a while. We didn't even speak, he just played with my hair as I used his arm as a pillow and traced some of the scar lines on his torso.

It was dark now and the area around the house was silent except for a few owls that we could hear conversing farther into the woods. Even the cats were off sleeping somewhere as I hadn't heard any of them sprint down the hall in a while. It was very relaxing, and I felt safe and content. I could've stayed in bed with Lee Know forever.

"We should probably shower," he whispered. Maybe he assumed I'd fallen asleep or maybe he just didn't want to get up at all and thought I wouldn't hear him.

"Yeah we should," I replied, making no effort to move.

Lee Know's hands continued to run through my hair, and I continued to trace lines on his side. He was so beautiful, and it made me sad that he didn't see himself that way. It also hurt me deep down at the way he'd once described me, but I wasn't ready to have that conversation.

I just wanted to lay here with my honey. I thought about the cute bee statue that Lee Know had placed in my room and smiled. Lee Know was sort of like a bee. He seemed scary and dangerous, but he'd really only sting people who threatened the ones that he loved...which included me. My heart swelled.

I heard Lee Know sniffle, and I looked up to see a tear falling from his eye.

"What's wrong, honey," I asked as I wiped it from his cheek.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't save you sooner," he let out a sob and pulled me close to him. My face was in his neck, and I wrapped my hands around his back.

I assumed he'd been thinking this for a while. He must not have believed me in the car. He still felt so guilty for something that wasn't even his fault.

"Lee Know, it's okay. I told you that. You tried to save me. I never could've even expected that. The things that happened to us...it's not our fault," I argued sternly. I refused to let him feel like he was responsible.

"You're so different," he replied.

I hadn't been expecting that. Was I? I'd definitely gotten better at repressing bad thoughts, though I'm sure they'd eventually find their way to the surface and become too big for me to handle alone. But that was a problem for future Han.

"You needed me so much to help you before, but now you seem fine."

I seemed fine.

"I'm not fine," I admitted. "I'm just choosing to focus on the positives...like having you here with me," I snuggled closer to him. The letter popped into my head again, making me feel insecure. "Besides, you thought I was weak before. I don't want to have you think about me like that anymore."

Lee Know inhaled sharply and pulled my face up to look at him. He looked physically pained by the reminder of his letter.

"I wrote that after our fight, Han. I don't think that about you at all. I never did. I wish you'd rely on me more actually. And I wish I could undo what that letter said."

He kissed my forehead, and I nuzzled into his neck again without responding.

"I'm so so sorry for that letter, Han. So sorry," he repeated as held the back of my head to his chest. "I never want to make you feel that way again. When I saw how hurt you seemed when you heard it..." Lee Know shook his head, but I looked up in confusion.

"What do you mean you saw how hurt I was?"

Lee Know closed his eyes for a moment, seemingly annoyed with himself. "That's how we found out where you were. Hyunjin found tapes of your time with Jeongin and..."

"And you watched them?" I felt horrified at the idea of Lee Know seeing me like that. If he thought I'd been weak before...

But he shook his head. "I only watched a couple before just skipping to the last one. I needed to know what medical supplies to bring for you and to know what kind of physical and mental state you were in. I'm sorry I just..."

"It's okay," I cut him off. I couldn't be mad at that reasoning no matter how embarrassed it made me feel to imagine him seeing that. If I were in his shoes I would've watched, too.

Lee Know sat quietly for a moment but then asked in the softest voice, "Jeongin didn't touch you or anything right?"

"What do you mean?" Of course, he had. He'd burned me pretty much every day.

"Like sexually?" Lee Know asked gently. "I only ask because, in the last video, I saw him pull your boxers down and..."

"Oh. No, he didn't," I interrupted. No need to let Lee Know go down that route of thinking.

He breathed a sigh of relief and held me close again.

"I promise I'll do anything I can to stop him," Lee Know promised.

"I know you will, honey." I brought my hand up to cup his cheek and drew him in for a quick kiss.

"And Seungmin too," he said before I brought him in for another kiss.

My sweet Honey was so stressed, and I just wanted to enjoy this time with him before all hell broke loose again.

"Come on," I grunted as I sat up and got off of the bed. I grimaced in pain and Lee Know laughed.

"A bit sore Hannie?" he smiled cheekily.

I held my hand out for Lee Know who just stared at it, as if getting out of bed was the worst thing I could possibly ask him to do.

"Really?" he groaned. But he took my hand anyway and stood up. He was still covered in the mess I'd made on him, and I couldn't help but feel a little proud.

Seeing him stand naked in front of me was even more intimidating outside of a sexual purpose. He was much taller than me, wider than me, more muscular, and his posture could be read as confident and even egotistical. Mine could be read as anxious and weak...probably reads a lot and shops online to avoid social interaction.

"What?" he asked when I'd not moved or said anything for a while.

"You're just...you're beautiful," I complimented.

Lee Know looked down at himself and shook his head.

"Too many scars," he mumbled.

"Hey, do you think mine are ugly?" I asked as I twirled in front of him as he held my hand.

"No, that's not...you wear them well," he stuttered.

"I'm just not ashamed of them. And you shouldn't be either," I stabbed my finger into his chest as I spoke to him.

Lee Know nodded but didn't look like he believed me. I vowed to myself that I'd tell him he was beautiful however many times it took for him to fully believe it.

"Now come on," I said pulling him out the door, "let's take a shower."