just a bunch of drafts, catch the rift ! most likely won't be any part 2's because half of them are already books. just chapters that i wrote but didn't like.
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i wouldn't say my life is fucked up. but i will say that the things i've done in my life is what's fucked up. it's not my fault. i didn't chose this path for myself but it was handed to me. so shit i took it. it was all i could take, wasn't nothing else being handed over. or at least nothing i cared for.
first of all i grew up in a broken household. my mother wasn't strict and she basically had us growing up fast. there was nothing that she didn't let us do. and with me being the middle child, yea it was bound for me to be this way. i don't know. i'll just say i'm the wild child.
i went to school like i was supposed to but i can't say i did what i was supposed to do there. yaknow? fuck school. that's nothing i give a damn about and i didn't care to try. walked right through the front door and out the back. i only got caught so many times, they couldn't handle me.
my mom had us in amazing schools, like with those top teachers and all that. but there's always that one group of kids who don't give a damn. i was apart of that.
it's just not something i see myself being fully committed to. that's bullshit. learning stuff that won't even help me in my future. i don't care. they couldn't get me to care either, although they constantly tried. i'm my own person.
and me not caring is what's led me to this fucking building with hella bitches. words can't express how bad i wanna get out of here. i've been in and out since i was 10, and here i am 16, stuck. it's really annoying.
my first time coming here was because i had a fight. like i said, i grew up in a broken home, so my mom and dad were very toxic with each other. the day i had the fight just had to be the day that they wanted to go at it.
police drove me home and wanted to talk to them, but my momma wasn't fucking with it. said she had too much on her plate and couldn't keep getting me out of stuff. that wasn't my first time fighting and getting police called. but that was my first time getting turned down by my mother.
it didn't hurt or anything. but i was upset. who wouldn't be? she did get me out and i ended up going right back a year later. the officers were not happy with me at all. i'd made a promise that i wouldn't come back. just like every kid that get out of here says.
i can't explain every single time i've been sent here because it's repetitive. but just know that this time....my momma said fuck that shit. on my fourteenth birthday is when i came here this last time. all because this girl wanted to pick on me and i beat her ass in the bathroom.
wasn't my fault actually. but of course they wouldn't believe the troublemaker.
it's cool. my momma will come and see me sometimes but she made it known that she's not getting me out. i guess it's to teach me a lesson but nothing is being learned. if i don't like something, that's that. nobody can make me do what i don't want to do. not even my mother.
i mean it's chill in here, i've made friends. some of these bitches be having me fucked up at times. on the bright side, i've learned to control myself a little bit. maybe not my mouth but my hands. i'm not just swinging on people no more.
depends though.
it's something everyday, i can say that.
especially with these damn officers. like.....
"maraj!"
"stop yelling my name." i spoke as the woman came around into the room. it's always her ass too, just sloppy and annoying. every other officer i can tolerate but this one? i just wanna lay my hands on her. "you know my first name and you still wanna call me by my last name. you think you special?"
"that mouth is what's about to get you on lock down. go eat." she mushed my shoulder and i jerked at her. just looking at her gives me an attitude. i don't know how many times i have to tell her that i don't wanna come out of my room.
it's really for my own good. i know how i am and if i'm out here with these new girls then we're gonna fight. they don't listen when i tell them stuff and then get mad when i react.
i just wanna leave.
"man ms.h you need to get this lady!" i shouted while entering the cafe. they don't let you just sit down, you have to have a tray. so i went to the line and grabbed one. i'm not about to eat this.
i sat at an empty table just looking around. today isn't the day for me. my favorite officer isn't even here right now so i can't get no advantages. gotta roll with the flow.
"you okay?" ms.h came to me and i nodded without even looking at her. she sat down making me roll my eyes. i just told her i was okay. "why you not eating?"
"cause i'm not hungry."
"you not hungry or you don't want this?"
"i don't want this shit. why the mashed potatoes watery? whoever eating this is weird." i mumbled pushing the food away. it's crazy how our food be looking so damn nasty and this ain't even jail for real. well it is but it ain't.
we at least deserve some good food. only good things are the snacks and stuff but i can't even make my noodles until later when we on free time.
"watch your mouth. you got something in your room you wanna make? but you gotta eat."
"i got some noodles. you gonna let me go in there and warm em up? or you finna be on my dick like everybody else?" i looked at her dead. literally everybody been on my ass today.
"i wouldn't be asking you if i wouldn't be letting you. come on. throw that in the trash and let's go."
i got up so fast, throwing that tray away. she led me to my room so i could get my noodles but i grabbed me some snacks too. i'm not even about to eat in the cafe, i'm staying in the lounge.
"i see all that in them pants you not slick."
"please?"
"come on little girl."
"thank you!" i moved quick in front of her. the chips in my jumpsuit was poking me but i dealt with it. this isn't the first time i've had to sneak something down my pants.
"you not even supposed to be walking around like this. i oughta make you put that jumpsuit on all the way. where you even get a muscle shirt from?"
i didn't answer her because i got it from one of the boys across the way. that's why i need my favorite officer here because i would've been able to go see him.
"you hear me."
"i hear you ms.h." i started to make my food. she cool or whatever but she not about to get me to snitch on myself and then she mess stuff up for me. i'm not falling for it. "i just chose not to tell you."
"girls are supposed to have on the t shirts. don't get caught."
i nodded. i'm not gonna get caught and if i do they can't make me change. it's not like they gon snatch it off my body. if they do then we fighting. simple. this my man shirt and i'm not coming off of it. he not my man for real but he my man.
once my food was made i sat down so i could eat and surprisingly ms.h didn't say anything. she just leaned against the door and waited for me. i was purposely taking my time since i would have to go back to the cafe after. hope they don't still got me on the list for table cleaning...
i'm not doing that shit.
"can i take a nap after this?"
"nope. you got cleaning duty."
"i'm not doing that." i grabbed my trash and threw it away before walking out. her and everybody else can kiss my ass about that. "for real ms.h i'm not cleaning no tables again. they can get one of the new girls."
she didn't say anything and i walked straight to my room.
