just a bunch of drafts, catch the rift ! most likely won't be any part 2's because half of them are already books. just chapters that i wrote but didn't like.
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"you look like a doll darling."
i slightly rolled my eyes as they toyed around with me. that's all it is. toying around. this isn't something i wanna do, it's all about everyone else. i hate this. i wish i wasn't so pretty to them.
it may sound crazy but i absolutely get tired of all the compliments and gushing. i wish i was looked at as a normal pretty girl because i see myself as just that. when the cameras and people aren't in my face of course.
they act as though my face can make them millions. but they don't consider how i feel about it. i don't wanna wake up at the crack of dawn for pictures and be on their timing for the rest of the day.
i feel like a puppy. waiting for the next command to be thrown at me. i'll go hours without saying a word, only moving around as they say.
my parents don't even care. they only focus on when the next check is coming. so i guess you could say my face does make them millions. it's not something that matters to me though. i could care less about the amount of money.
especially when i haven't been happy in years.
since i was a little child this has been going. i honestly don't get the hype. a regular girl standing in front of the camera with no background of fame. it doesn't click. i literally do nothing but it stand there or smile. maybe say a few words.
and the white people go crazy in a classical way. as if i'm some type of barbie doll on auction.
when it comes to appearances, i stand behind momma and papa as they speak on my behalf. saying a couple words of my own would be fine to me but they don't allow it. i'm a statue. not one friend.
as i walk on those stages and watch the people in the crowd scan me, i feel my spirit crush more and more. especially when some of them scrunch their face or make one of disapproval.
then i have to hear my parents and others discuss it. try to come up with ways to make it better. i think i'm perfectly fine the way i am. but there's always something to make me look prettier.
whether it be a hair change or different pose.
but all i know is that i'm drained. i don't wanna go to this ball. all i want to do is sit in my bed all day and watch dramas until i fall asleep with a load of chips in my mouth. but i can barely have access to those.
it'll make me fat...
"momma." i spoke softly, tugging on my moms hand. she gave me a squeeze back but didn't look my way. my heart shattered as it always did. "mom." trying again, i tugged this time. only getting a glare.
i sighed looking down at my feet. that didn't last long before daddy pushed my chin forward. it made me want to cry. but i sucked it up and straightened my shoulders.
"you don't look down at your feet. keep your posture together and eyes forward." he mumbled near my ear. i clenched my jaw to help keep my mouth closed from a shaky breath. "tanya." he gritted at me.
