cascade | kotlc

26. Continued: Combat: The Second Train

- F. K.

The wind was cold, stinging her cheeks as she climbed out of the train. She could only half open her eyes under the rushing wind going seventy miles per hour, and it took all her energy to crawl over the steel-barred cars.

"Great idea, Faye," she murmured to herself. "Such a genius move. Climb outside the train and hope that-"

A slap of wind to her face, and she almost tumbled off the train.

"Nothing kills you," she finished, wiping her cheeks and holding her hair out of her eyes. Her ponytail had come loose, and the blue and gold strands leapt and danced like waves in a particle accelerator. Like the insides of a circuit with an overheated CPU and a series of rebound resistors.

Even if I do find the bomb, she thought to herself, how the fuck am I supposed to neutralize it? I've never learned to undo a bomb before.

Do I just smack it a bunch until it breaks? Shock it with a hundred thousand volts? Something else? I've got no fucking clue...

Great idea, Faye. Simply astounding, your genius.

She spat the bitter comments from her mouth and continued sliding along. Her knees burned with the heat of friction as she dragged her legs over the rubber covers and the fluttering tarps.

How much longer do I have? Is the bomb seriously going to blow up before I even reach it? Is the bomb even up here? Am I just stupid?

Probably, she sighed, scrubbing her brows. Maybe one day I'll come up with a plan that doesn't involve me potentially killing myself.

Why am I even doing this? Why? Why did I feel the need to help June and Fitz and they're such nice people why can't I be like them I hate myself

And then came the tugging on her heart, the load. It had significantly worsened since her conversation with June in the Healing Center, the one where she, she glanced at her wrist, where she-

She was breaking, she had held it in so long, wiped that blank face over her soul, heck, she even managed to convince herself, somewhat, shoved herself into denial, put herself in an insulating cell and plugged in outlets all over herself. Finally she was discharging, releasing the pent-up ions in a shockwave storm, it had taken so long. There was nothing around except the cool and furious but nonjudgemental wind, and it was fine, fine. Every part of her was splintering, her wires were disentagling and sparks were flying, hot cinders that zapped her skin and left an unpleasant tingling sensation.

Trust her, and you trust everyone, when will you ever learn? Trust will only kill you, you idiot, you absolute fool, you're going to lose her.

Fool, fool, fool, be like June, smart, beautiful, charming, damnit, remember when everyone hated you? What if it becomes that again, what if, what if June forever condemns you for-

Thunder boomed and she shook her head out, flinging her hair into the rapid wind, and her eyes were filled with the dancing of lightning again.

She had studied the circuitry within an Imparter once, Dex had pried open the silver cube and demonstrated the functions of the insides to her. All the pieces had to work in a harmonized unison, otherwise the electricity became a jarring discordance, and the CPU would fry, the resistors would overflow, and the inputs and outputs would reverse roles.

Now she was the circuit, and god, were none of her organs functioning in concert. She was equivalent to a motherboard with bent gold wires and a warped baseplate and intertwining northbridges and southbridges, her memory was resetting and her sockets were melting, everything was going wrong.